I am just arguing that responding to anger with negativity and judgment is not healthy.. that it becomes a compulsion... and that I know from experience... but why do I then get attacked? instead of examining the words and arguments that i present, why do so many of you go deeper into who i am as a person, my experience, my age?
kid, I'm sorry you feel attacked.
It is human nature (not to mention common sense) to "consider the source," and to make judgments as to how valuable the arguments or statements might be.
If I want to learn to surf, or climb a mountain, I really don't CARE if somebody has thousands of theories and graphs about how to be a better surfer or mountain climber. I want my coach to be somebody who's had water up her nose or altitude sickness - somebody who has hands-on experience as well as "book learnin.'" If I can find someone who integrates both, great, but I am always going to be more attentive to someone who I feel has walked a mile in my moccasins.
When it comes to advice about OCPD+non relationships, I give more "weight" to things LizaJane, Francie, fava, more-freedom, morten, and even our OCPDmanager here, Paul (he's been stuck dealing with all of us lo these many years!) have to say about them, because they are and have been in relationships for a long time, than I do to someone who hasn't had that experience.
. Other people may form their judgments differently, but we ALL form judgments about who is worth listening to, and who gets tuned out.
We cannot control other people, and their reactions to what we say or write. We can only control what we say or write.
As a writer, if I am getting a lot of negative feedback to something I am writing (and often I do), then I know I
am not expressing myself clearly or well, and it is up to me
to modify the way I deliver the message, not criticize the readers for not recognizing and applauding my brilliance.