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Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:00 pm
-The tension at home on his days off. I feel guilty for wanting him to leave and go back to work. Him being home is like walking on egg shell waiting for him to blow.
-Wants he hurts me, or gets me as upset as he is, he feels better.
-Resolving his tension and frustration by punishing others.
-now that I react differently to his outbursts he is going after our son (the most vulnerable) bc he has aspergers. This puts me in a situation where I have to jump in and defend. Then I get abused for not having his back.
-never feeling like "he" feels I am good enough. I feel like I am good enough, but it took me a while to not let him define my self worth.
Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:50 am
joie wrote:-The tension at home on his days off. I feel guilty for wanting him to leave and go back to work. Him being home is like walking on egg shell waiting for him to blow.
This. My dad has OCPD, and my entire childhood, my sister and I would run to our bedrooms when we heard our dad come home from work because we couldn't occupy any of the communal living space in the house without him finding us and starting a huge argument about something.
Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:34 pm
Hi I'm new to this so looking for some advice! ...met a great guy became friends then got together he not like your typical guy was really kind etc ...got very close told me he loved me wants a future etc etc been together nearly a year (he is currently going through court battle regarding divorce) I've supported him all the way through it as he's been very stressed! Met his family who I get on great with he met my children I met his son! All seemed so great apart from the stress of divorce etc anyway early on he spoke of his love for ckeaning and said he was ocd ..I didn't think much of it st the time as time went on he told me certain things like he cleaned our mutual friends kitchen out from top to bottom as he felt their cupboards we dis orderly and not clean spent a whole day on it! At the time I laughed ...he lives back with his parents at mo because of the split with the ex! ...he often Moaned about the fact no one in his parents house ever hoovers or cleans up that they are all very messy! He often talked about how he likes order and structure etc and he is very neat and tidy and always has to shower before bed and sometimes more during the day if at home ...anyway he spent the last month at my house (he had been signed off work with reactive depression to court) so spent a lot of time at my house! I Hoover and clean my house everyday and I'm neat and tidy! I'm also a single mum with two children for the last three years so things in my house have been neglected and broken or certain things here and there that definately need improving! ...anyway he first starting mentioning the fact that the kitchen cupboards inside I haven't cleaned so I cleaned them! ...then he starting picking up on certain other things saying I only clean things on face value that people can see? Like most people right? When you have busy lives with children etc etc? ...he said that his old home with his ex was like a show home and he loved that! He then turned up at my house and spent a whole day cleaning my bathroom getting lime scale off my bath (I thought how nice of him) ..then he starting picking on other things and we started to argue slightly because I felt hurt like I wasn't good enough? ..he said he is a proud person and house proud and cares what others think and I come across completely different like I can't be bothered in life! (I'm a laid back person) ...he said I had no aspirations or drive in life! And he does so he thinks we are too different and not compatible and he ended things with me and I feel totally broken! It went from the week before planning on getting a loan together having decorators coming in to my home to give quotes etc and us shopping for home stuff looking at sofas and all sorts! The whole time we were together I paid for mostly Eberything we did hotels nights out dinners etc because he had spent so much on court so I was being kind for the time being whilst he finances were being sorted out regarding his divorce! ...he said my oven was too dirty and too much dust on the wardrobe hinges and how can anyone let their house get like that and if I know something is dirty why would I not clean it! ...he says on the last month he stayed at my house he wasn't himself because of the worry of court which clouded him and things around him and now it looks like court is going to go in his favour he can see Clearly and these things mean we are too different and live in different ways ...he was telling me he loved me up until then planning a future with me etc even said he loves me as a person but the way we live is too different!? I'm shocked and heartbroken as we get on so well and Eberything seemed so fine between us and over night he has gone ...do these sound like ocpd traits? X
Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:18 pm
Could be a case severe OCD and maybe OCPD. In any case - what is your goal for finding out? Are you just trying to understand or are you maybe hoping the two of you can reconcile?
My advice is to think about if you want to be with a person who values the cleanliness of kitchen cabinets over living life. You were at an early stage in the relationship and he apparently couldn't deal with your standards. It's not your standards that are the problem - his reaction is over the top.
I ended my 18 year relationship with my ex husband because the standards never stopped. I could plugnone hole by doing things "his way" and there would be something else. It caused him to have anxiety, which caused him to be critical of just about anything. Felt almost random - like being critical of me or our son soothed him.
Your ex man has a serious issue. I'm sorry you are so down and I know it's hard and it hurts. My advice is to focus on you and get over him - you are better off.
Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:13 am
susansdogs wrote:I find that the daily nit picks and telling me how to do and not do practically everything most irritating. If I object or answer back, he blames me. It is getting to the point where I can't stand to be around him, and I am sure he feels the same way.
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Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:17 am
Yes, that's what may cause me to exit stage left (just engaged, testing the waters). Every time I say the simplest declarative sentence he immediately follows with an unfunny remark or a directive.
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Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:42 am
susansdogs wrote:Another thing is the extreme hoarding! Does anyone have that problem?
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Thu May 04, 2017 11:59 am
The most difficult thing I find in dealing with my partner is when he corrects my feelings or explains to me why I feel a certain way. In his constant need to control every aspect of his life, he even controls my emotions and my reactions. He is so convincing in his arguments and so analytical in his rationale that I too end up believing he is right.
The result? loss of self-concept, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, self-identity... the loss of any sense of self for that matter because he shapes it all for me.
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