Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:49 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:50 pm
Posts: 21
An oven mitt inadvertently left on the counter of an otherwise spotless kitchen.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:31 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:50 pm
Posts: 21
As far as criticism, if there were an award, I think it would have to go to my hubby. My dad came down to offer support and was with me when the hubby "came to" after colon cancer surgery. Upon opening his eyes, hubby's first words were, "Two wrongs don't make a right!"


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 3:30 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:24 pm
Posts: 980
Location: Texas
atwitsend your hubby gets my vote. And the winner is. The envelope please...
When I asked my DH for some help around the house when he retired, he complained that he would never be able to do it the way I wanted it done.
He was the one who wanted to alphabetize the spices. I declined his offer.
Apparently he is still paralyzed at not cleaning the bathroom properly. :)

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If you want to fly...you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 5:47 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:53 pm
Posts: 8
leaving water on the draining board and and hanging clothes on the airer wrongly, mum said she was going to kill herself over those.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:11 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
jenniferjuniper wrote:
leaving water on the draining board and and hanging clothes on the airer wrongly, mum said she was going to kill herself over those.


She literally, not jokingly, threatened to kill herself?

Wow. I suggest reading up on the phrase "emotional blackmail" if you haven't encountered it before.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 10:30 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
With my OCPD mom…I'd be tempted to say "Go ahead!" rather too cheerfully….Just kidding! :lol:

Edited: Okay that sounds harsh…but we put up with SO MUCH [email protected] from our OCPD-ers that sometimes we just want to get a little of our own ya' know!? I know with most OCPD-ers/ Narcissists and Border lines, the suicide threats are just bids for attention and compliance from their nons. People who want attention announce they are "GOING TO KILL THEMSELVES!!" cue dramatic theme music. People who really want to kill themselves….succeed.

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:15 am 
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Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:53 pm
Posts: 8
Yes, honestly, she said I'm going to kill myself and left the house for hours both times and both times my dad came home and shouted at me. I'll defo read up on emotional blackmail. It was definitely for attention and was always accompanied with much throwing of stuff across the room but there were times when she told me afterwards she had tried to climb to the top of a half-built building so she could throw herself off but she couldn't get into it and I went rushing up there to see if she was ok, she wasn't she was totally fruitloops crazy. Plus when I told her I was depressed years ago she rushed over on a bus to tell me she'd tried to gas herself with the oven when I was at nursery, it was like one-upmanship, I presume it wasn't a serious attempt or she would have succeeded but I didn't need to know about it at all, now she says she doesn't remember any of my childhood, it's a total blank for her, the whole thing.
There was other odd things I was criticised for all the time - breathing too loudly, making too much noise taking a pan out of the cupboard, taking too long to peel an apple, I once left talcum powder (she'd given it to me for Christmas) scattered on my desk and she said I'd been snorting cocaine.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 2:48 am 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
jenniferjuniper wrote:
Yes, honestly, she said I'm going to kill myself and left the house for hours both times and both times my dad came home and shouted at me.


It's my opinion that both of your parents were and are emotionally abusive, and that you're best off minimizing their time with you and especially minimizing their time with any kids that you do have or will have. Now, your mother may also be mentally ill, but that doesn't mean that you need to make yourself available for her to abuse.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
Completely agree with fava,

A friend of mine has a mother who is Borderline….they tend to be histrionic and threaten suicide often. Over about a 10 year period her mother had threatened to "off" herself 3-4 times…she was never serious….it was all about attention. Making the family jump through hoops to make her feel important. Everyone upset and scrambling.

Well, something set her off again and she sent out all the regular threats etc…"I'ma gonna DO IT!" and the family was sent in to avert disaster mode once again. They did find her mother and she was taken to the hospital.

When my friend arrived at the hospital…her sister and her aunt were running around frantically…crying and freaking out. My friend said, she just couldn't put that much energy into her mother's "Death" threats anymore. Her sister and aunt actually criticized her for not FREAKING THE H out….and she said to them "WHY?….She does this all the time…."

My friend's mom, this time, had downed a bottle of Ibuprofen, which nearly did do her in….by overloading her liver. My friend just did not have any real Give a Sh!t….because HOW was she to know that THIS TIME was the ONE!? Her crazy borderline mother had put them all through the emotional wringer multiple times that she just could not go there again… (The borderline who cried wolf :roll:) ….I understand what my friend meant, because there does come a time when enough, is enough.

You do not know exactly when your moment of "enough" is going to be, but it happened for me when I finally realize that I could not help my OCPD mom, and nothing I did would ever change any of it, and it is NOT my responsibility to fix her. It is what it is….and away is so much better….so much more peaceful. :D

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 5:01 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2014 3:53 pm
Posts: 8
I agree that my parents both did and do emotionally abuse me and that the only way for me to live a happy life is to have minimal contact with them, probably just some texts and see them twice a year or so.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:22 am 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
Really…sometimes the ONLY recourse we have is to avoid, avoid, avoid…. :(

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 11:46 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:24 pm
Posts: 980
Location: Texas
I just realized I didn't answer the question in my previous post.
The oddest criticism to me was gardening.
I had been providing fresh organic vegetables for the family for many years when DH commented during an argument, I think.
He said something like, "You spend more on that garden than we get out of it. We may as well buy produce at the store."
Not true at all. I spent a lot of time out there but not much money.
Gardening was and is my hobby and also my way of calming myself and leaving the insanity to burn itself out elsewhere.
I'm sure gardensanity can relate.
Now that I am further along in my development as an adult, I can forgive this comment.
I think it was his way of saying that he wished I would pay more attention to him. If only he had asked for that.
-lily

_________________
If you want to fly...you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2014 6:32 pm
Posts: 1
Sadly I'm no longer with my OCPD partner, he didn't know he had it, but I spotted it in him, his sister and his uncle. I used to be a researcher for a living, it's a natural thing for me to find out about things, including finding the root of odd behaviour in people I love so that I can try to understand it. And knowing that's what it was kept me sane and able to deal with it. If I hadn't known, I think I would have been baffled and hurt by it.

I was criticized for:

Breathing... seriously, the way I breathe when I sleep.
My hair was a constant issue and he would ask me if I had a hat a lot when we went out.
Talking too loudly
Talking at the wrong time
Not being able to hear him
Him not being able to hear me
Forgetting any details that he may have already told me (no matter how complex)
He refused to sleep with me (sexually) because I wasn't the right shape and he didn't like my skin (I was celibate for 8 years out of 11 with him).
The way I went about doing 'anything' pretty well.
Having bare feet was an issue (I like having bare feet), but socks are apparently better, cleaner.
Putting the heating on in winter (I work from home, he would only put heating on when he came home in the evening)
For looking 'mumsy' this hurt because I'd always wanted children, he didn't want them. To be called mumsy when you haven't even had the children you wanted hurts.
For having a soft tummy
My weight (I weigh under 9 stones... for you Americans, that's small) but it was as if he had a sort of projected anorexia, projected onto me, he couldn't stand anybody who was overweight. Always pointed it out.
My legs are ok from the back but not from the front
I stopped cooking because how I did everything caused so much trouble.

Eventually he replaced me with the 'perfect' looking woman. I already knew exactly how she would look, the opposite of me! Long, thick hair, perfect skin, great legs - probably knows how to breathe properly in bed!!! Isn't mumsy!

What hurt when he left was that he's no idea how hard he is to live with and how hard I worked to live with him. So to be swapped for seemingly physical things rather than emotional ones (he always said I was his best friend and that he loved living with me) - stings.

Do you all think that he will start criticizing even her perfect looks eventually? it was so painful to see this woman, to see all my 'faults' rectified visually in her. It's almost as if he thinks that by rectifying all the visual faults he found in me, he will be able to have a better relationship with her. But as I've seen throughout the relationship (and as I've read here), it seems that nothing will ever stop the criticism because the person that it's aimed at isn't actually the issue at all. It's an anxiety disorder, it's about anxiety, until someone with OCPD can face that and work with it, try to relax, no amount of partner swapping will help.

My x had only had very short relationships until he met me (we were together for 11 years) but I still think that's because I actively tried to understand it.

This thread has really helped me because it's made me realise how common all of these criticisms are, even though I knew he had this problem, I hadn't ever read about anybody elses experiences with it. This has been an eye opener and a breath of fresh air.


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2014 4:33 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:37 pm
Posts: 675
Hi Teatray, your list is fairly common amongst us nons believe it or not and thats why they call it "coming out of the fog" .You are amongst similar folk here. Start looking after you, turn that heating up and breathe as loud as you want. I had to laugh at the soft tummy, I didn't realise texture was optional. Not that I ever complained about hard or soft skin. It took me years before I came across OCPD, people in the UK never seem to have heard of it.

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"You can have Excuses or Results not Both"


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 Post subject: Re: "What is the Oddest Thing you were criticized for?"
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2014 3:38 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:39 am
Posts: 30
Location: Neverland
trying wrote:
My DH thinks I open the blinds with too much force.


:D my exbf didn't like the way I positioned the blinds - something about the tension of the string... whatever - the sad thing is that then I really believed that I did it in a wrong way as I am from Europe and many things we have here are different from the ones the USA. I actually started to believe that I am totally worthless and I can do nothing just right. But I hoped that one day I'll be able to learn it all and he would be happy with me..... pathetic...


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