Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 28, 2017 12:26 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 12:09 am
Posts: 70
I was going to take a poll, but there isn't an option for it here.

I feel most people like their OCPD but realize it's a problem and begrudgingly or know they need to change to function in life better. It's so habitual for me, the ruts and my patterns feel so routine and engrained and "normal", yet I know that I am far far different from an average human person. And that makes me sad and feel lonely. I was thinking about a convo I had with my brother: he said "everyone's like this, everyone had a Dad that was like that...our Dad's normal."

I know what he's talking about in that sense we are raised old school and that many dad's and houses were sort of like ours. But, the line between ocpd and not is thin but it is quite drastic.
I just realize how easily it is to think this is normal, just because we're used to it, or that we're so accomodated to it; he really believes that statement that we're just like everyone else. It's amazing. He blames himself for anything that he does feel, because he can't come up with any other explanation for it; it's sad. It's very sad.

He's admitted to me on several times he feels different from others, and just can't understand why. He feels this different-ness, but won't ever put it down to that we might have been raised 'differently' than the rest of people - because he's not able to consider this as an option (which is true) he blames himself and feels very depressed and isolated and put upon. I understand him, many families were similar to ours, traditional, hardworking, strict more or less... but there is a night and day line between that and the rigidness, exacting nature of a pd.
That's what I think he doesn't understand or is willing to accept.

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See what it's like on the other side - life's more precious. Every moment is pregnant of meaning. Use your time wisely..


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2017 4:54 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:14 am
Posts: 6
Change? Heck no.
Lighten up on myself a little or be able to tune out from the negative self talk now and again - sure.


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:22 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 4:40 pm
Posts: 1310
Location: Suburbs of Atlanta
I want to change anything that interferes with my having a happy life. OCPD interferes, so I'm working on it. Don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater, just make adjustments, e.g. instead of striving for perfection, strive for excellence. Challenge your thoughts, don't let them just rattle around in your head with impunity.

_________________
Liza Jane

Peace is the result of training your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be. ~ Wayne Dyer


Last edited by LizaJane on Tue Feb 14, 2017 5:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 10:44 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:10 am
Posts: 654
Location: U.S.
I remember the old Bible lesson of the "number of hairs on our heads" - it would seem to be appropriate to occasionally get a haircut & style, or a hair coloring or even a process of letting your hair down....sometimes.

Removing hairs( by the root), or planting hairs after trying to count all of the hairs, would be akin to changing our personalities and is probably a task best left alone...

Minimizing the excesses around loved ones is a most needed process, inmho


SOHC

_________________
A+ (98) - Cammer Test
Having an obsessive who is not conscientious is the psychological equivalent of diagnosing acute Dengue Fever without any elevation in temperature.
http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/3/3/2158244013500675


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:32 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:58 am
Posts: 3
I'm new here. I have not been diagnosed, but my psychologist said I have OCPD traits, which, upon reading about the disorder, are obvious to me as well. She believes my excessive self-criticism to be at the root of my depression. I do want to change my OCPD. My standards are harmful. In high school I got 4 hours of sleep every night because I worked so hard and further damaged my body through anorexia. Most likely, my friends felt unimportant, because I chose work over hanging out with them. I also want to be a good leader and kind to others, and that includes delegating tasks and making sure people don't perceive my dedication to perfection as irritating and controlling.

Of course, OCPD has advantages. It's what got me into a great college with a lot of resources. It can often lead to great levels of success professionally.

I don't want to eliminate my OCPD, but manage it in a way so that it works for me and others, and not against us.

Of course, it will be VERY hard to accept others' work I see as shoddy and inadequate without redoing it. I struggle when I get my grades back, knowing I chose sleep over understanding. I feel anxiety very frequently about not doing what I see as more valuable tasks when not working.. even right now. In the end, though, I prefer a balanced, relaxed life and have realized dedication to efficiency isn't always effective, and can sometimes be destructive to people. While I don't feel great about my non-anorexic body, I try not to spend too much time thinking about it, and it leads to a better quality of life for myself and others. I'll just try to choose my battles and learn better anxiety coping mechanisms.

Has anyone had any success with minimizing self-criticism?


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 2:14 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm
Posts: 713
Hi KayAreEss,

Welcome to the forum. By the way, as you mention anorexia, it's my personal opinion (and of some others who author the relevant literature) that anorexia is a subtype of OCPD, with its unhealthy focus on perfectionism, among other similarities.

KayAreEss6 wrote:
I
Has anyone had any success with minimizing self-criticism?


Well, I guess not. Change is hard. I realize it's a key to making OCPD better. I made up my own triad of OCPD -- "negative, critical, and pessimistic". To me, those are all very characteristic of OCPD. I'm good on the theory, but implementation is harder. :)

One thing that's crossed my mind is going through a day without criticizing anyone about anything. Easy enough to verify. Just listen to what I say. But I think my memory can be very short sometimes, even like 10 seconds long. I forget. Often holding thoughts in my mind are like trying to hold water in a cupped hand. They just quickly seep through my fingers.

I like the "no criticism day" idea. I might try that today, I'm going to take a walk with a neighbor later. I'll report back. :) Keeping self-critical thoughts out of one's mind, well, that has to be more difficult, and more difficult to verify.

I hate to keep doing this, but at the moment there's are rather vibrant Facebook community of OCPDers discussing their issues, here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ocpd.support

It's not visible to the public, and I don't have anything to do with running it, but you can apply to join and they'll accept everyone. Be careful about using your real name. One thing you can do for sure is to read the posts and get some good info. I wish this forum was as active but it's not. It has its purposes though.

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:38 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm
Posts: 713
Hi again,

OCPDmanager wrote:
One thing that's crossed my mind is going through a day without criticizing anyone about anything. Easy enough to verify. Just listen to what I say. But I think my memory can be very short sometimes, even like 10 seconds long. I forget. Often holding thoughts in my mind is like trying to hold water in a cupped hand. They just quickly seep through my fingers.

I like the "no criticism day" idea. I might try that today, I'm going to take a walk with a neighbor later. I'll report back. :) Keeping self-critical thoughts out of one's mind, well, that has to be more difficult, and more difficult to verify.


Report on the walk: I worked to not speak in a negative, critical, or pessimistic way. I told my walking partner what I wanted to do, and she caught me on making negative comments a couple of times. It helped me keep it in mind.

I don't know if this change in attitude made me feel better right away. I believe it did make me feel less guarded, more open, like I don't have to have my defenses up all the time. Definitely a good practice for me.

I'd think while a narcissist never criticizes himself, I criticize myself very often. There must be a healthy middle. I've always thought that healthy narcissism is one cure for OCPD.

*edited -- On some reflection, it seems one of the worst things about the self-criticism is how it leads to the inability to build one thing upon another. The doubt destroys it, like a spring frost to new buds on a tree, or prematurely opening a darkroom door to expose developing film. It's cut down before it has a chance to grow.

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:26 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2017 11:29 am
Posts: 2
My parents have helped me change my OCPD all my life. Im very thankful for that. Since i got my diagnosis it has been up to me change. I cant say i always wanned to change, i always wanned to be a good person and i have thought i was for a long time. At the moment i dont value myself that high, and its now i want to change my OCPD more then ever. I will use cognitive psychotherapy as my help and to guide me thru this will be my psychologist. What i want to change most of all is the way i value other people that i dislike. Its not just bad, it affects me too. I dont know if it wakes anxiety in me or it is more of a depression. Either way its too much to handle, i need to be able to be around people if im gonna manage to work. Another thing i want to work on is of course my rigidness.


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:15 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:58 am
Posts: 3
Thank you so much for your welcome, @OCPDmanager, as well as for referring me to the Facebook group. I didn't expect anyone to reply at all, and it's wonderful to be invited to one that's hidden. I'm really glad you have supporters in reducing your criticism of others, and that you've found a practice that works for you. My criticisms of others are more covert, but I'm sure they still damage my relationships with others by coming out subtly in my attitudes. It's just a matter of dealing with the thoughts. Whether I should do that by disputing my standards/ asking "so what" about them, thought-stopping, or what, I'm not sure. I'll let you know if I find out anything of use either through my therapist or the support group. What do you mean by "build one thing upon another"?

@Jensgarage, I'm so happy your parents have been helping you and that you're getting appropriate treatment. Ego-syntonic disorders take longer to want to change. My dad most likely (in addition to OCPD) has NPD with antisocial tendencies. He's fine with it, because, the more selfish a person is, the happier they are. He has little meaning in his life and can't have true relationships, but he doesn't care, at least not yet. My mom divorced him and I don't speak to him, and the consequences still aren't great enough to prompt him to get treatment. While the short-term consequences are hard to manage, in a way, it's probably a great thing that your self-esteem and need to work around people have prompted you to get help.


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm
Posts: 713
Hi KayAreEss,

KayAreEss6 wrote:
Thank you so much for your welcome, @OCPDmanager, as well as for referring me to the Facebook group. I didn't expect anyone to reply at all, and it's wonderful to be invited to one that's hidden. I'm really glad you have supporters in reducing your criticism of others, and that you've found a practice that works for you.


You're welcome. For me it's not only criticism of others I need to reduce, but also of myself. In fact, it's probably mostly criticism of myself I'm referring to in my post.

KayAreEss6 wrote:
What do you mean by "build one thing upon another"?


You don't know what I mean? I'm using metaphors to talk about feelings and one's emotional life. It's pretty hard to go much further into what I "mean". Well ... I could say, it's about having confidence in one's self, and building small confidences on top of each other into a greater dream, or hope, or conviction. I think the self-criticism prevents even the small confidences from going forward, and build one on top of the other, let alone a larger creation of a dream. I really don't have any self-confidence at all. I don't know if that's a common feature of OCPD, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

To go further, it seems to me criticism, even self-criticism, causes one to be self-conscious, feeling like you're being looked at from the outside, and so tends to stifle one's inner life, and creative process. If you don't understand what I mean, I'm afraid I can't come up with any better words to describe it at the moment.

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: How Many of You Actually Want to change your OCPD?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:52 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:58 am
Posts: 3
I know what you mean, now that you clarified. I can't read minds. Please be aware that I felt condescended-to when reading your words.


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