I found this board while researching OCPD, and am hoping I can get some answers. My situation is a little different from anything I've been able to read about online. This is super hard to talk about, even to strangers but I need whatever perspective you are willing to share with me.
I'm living with someone who strongly meets the criteria for OCPD, but has a snowball's chance of ever getting a diagnosis. I've listened in on the handful of therapy sessions he's had with his therapist. I know it's wrong, but he lies to me so much it was the only way to get the truth. Makes me feel like a slug. Long story short he's completely snowed her (not related to our relationship), so my expectations of him being honest and open to therapy are zero.
When I moved in, the place was indescribable. It was roach infested and so crammed with crap that you literally had to climb over things to get anywhere in the house. There was fetid water in the kitchen sink. It was really bad, but I didn't have anywhere else to go and I loved him. I just thought he needed some help getting things put right. Wrong.
I moved across the country for this guy, and spent 12+ hours a day cleaning his house, working with an exterminator, etc. for the first SIX months. He fought me every step of the way. I have a pathological fear of cockroaches (these are giant Texas ones too). It was horrifying.
Once I got the place free of roaches and the common area cleared, I started looking for work. There just wasn't anything out there. I had previously worked in film (the artistic side) and no one would hire me even with ten years of previous experience running technology based offices. He works in IT, and had told me that I should consider retraining into IT. The program I'm going into doesn't start until the fall (three semesters), but I'm working hard on a certificate I'm going to need to get a job. I have no prior experience in IT of any sort, but I've always been good at school, and I'm always the "Excel person" in an office. I have connections to get me a job once I'm done with school.
Since I've become financially dependent upon him, the behavior has gotten so much worse. I have to line each item on a spreadsheet and submit it for his approval. I'm talking car insurance and the very basics. I'm living like I'm on welfare, while Amazon packages arrive every day with more stupid b*llsh*t to add to the pile. There is no intimacy, he only cares about his job and his secret pill habit for his "migraines".
I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of his job seeing his "nice" side, while he rants to me for hours about them at home. Every single thing is about him. I feel invisible except when he needs a whipping boy. Anything I say that he doesn't think is "right", and he'll hold it against me for months. Things that I've never done, that he thinks about are held against me for months, and the brought up when he feels like emotionally abusing someone.
I have zero feelings for this guy, and the very second I can leave I'll be a ghost. For those of you who have lived with a partner like this, will you share your coping mechanisms? We have no kids or financial ties, but I'm absolutely worried about what he'll do when I leave.
Thank you for reading this.