Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 6:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:26 pm
Posts: 948
Location: Southeast US
ThinIce's question:
"Incidentally, has anyone had furniture OCPD? "

My SO inherited some antique furniture. Left some of it in the front hall for 13 years until her kids insisted she do somethong with it. Had ir refurbished 2 years ago and returned to the basement for storage. Planning on using it in the spare bedroom as soon as she gets it cleaned out. (bets, anyone)


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 7:19 pm 
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Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:41 am
Posts: 55
Furniture...CANNOT be moved from it's assigned place. Someone could trip over it in the night...even if everyone knows it was moved. They coud knock over a candle or some other item...even though we would never retire without extinguishing candles. The knocked over candle would set the drapes afire...even though we never have lighted candles near anything flammable. The drapes would set the entire house on fire, and we will all surely perish. Furniture must remain in place as if our lives depend on it, because surely they do.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 7:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
The furniture issue with us is actually purchasing it. Our nastiest arguments have come our design and furniture choices. My house was 1/2 empty for 3 years and what we had was bad.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 7:09 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 4:40 pm
Posts: 1314
Location: Suburbs of Atlanta
I admit I take longer than the average person to research a major purchase (like a new laptop, or a car). I am much better than I used to be at this. But as much as it involves making sure I get it "right," the time it takes is as much about prolonging the anticipation as it is about not being wrong. For no matter how cool the new laptop or car is, once it's purchased, even if I'm 110% percent happy with the choice, it's a letdown in a way, because my options are now closed.

Can anyone relate?

_________________
Liza Jane

Peace is the result of training your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be. ~ Wayne Dyer


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 9:36 am 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
Jizajane - I can't be sure but this fits my husbands buying pattern. He recently spent a year researching and then waiting for a price drop to buy a tv. Finally (finally!) buys it and if asked if he's happy with it he will say its fine. I would think all that time and effort to get it right would invoke a little more enthusiasm.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 10:58 am 
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Joined: Wed May 28, 2014 4:35 pm
Posts: 60
Mostly a lurker but I have to chime in:

OCPD BF has to research the living daylights out of EVERYTHING he purchases.......then, gets buyer's remorse. Every.Single.Time. :? Home improvement projects must be reasearched ad nauseaum while nothing gets done then when we finally get a handy man cause I keep badgering him............you guessed it the said handyman is: careless, possible thief, overcharged us and everything must be inspected thoroughly for signs of his carelessness. It's exhausting. I finally said "Fine, you will be the one to tell him that you don't need his services anymore" ( He likes me to do the dirty work). Then I get <heavy sigh> "Nevermind, I'll just touch it up/fix it/repaint it later" which of course he never gets to. BTW, we have an awesome handyman :D

He recently got our flat screen mounted on the wall.....took him ONLY 4 hours and lots and lots of expletives but it looked PERFECT! PERFECT I tell ya! We sit down to watch a movie and 15 minutes in......you guessed it, it's crooked and not sitting right and he can't concentrate on the movie. Almost 2 HOURS later it's fixed, it looks exactly the same as it did before at least to me :roll: *I* finished watching the movie in the other room while he knocked himself out......total crazy making.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
StoptheMadness wrote:
OCPD BF has to research the living daylights out of EVERYTHING he purchases.......

Yep, OCPD wife does this - goes into tunnel vision and spend hours, DAYS absorbed in her Ipad browsing the internet, reading reviews, phoning her mother for outside advice, making ENDLESS lists on bits of paper in order to compare and contrast every available option...and then gets so overwhelmed by all the information and choice that she can't make the decision anyway.

StoptheMadness wrote:
we finally get a handy man

We can't get a handyman, their NOT to be trusted and anyway, WE can do a better job...WE as in I..

StoptheMadness wrote:
He likes me to do the dirty work

Yep I'm the dirty-work monkey. She'll winge and whine about something but she'll insist that I have to make the complaint/comfront so-and-so. Won't do it herself. I wonder what the deal is with that? Of course, I don't pass on her sentiments properly and then I cop the wrath.

StoptheMadness wrote:
He recently got our flat screen mounted on the wall

Still waiting for flat screen TV to be a good enough deal before we can have one...


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 1:04 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 1:59 pm
Posts: 115
yes . .my ex researched for weeks to buy a laptop. Ordered one specifically set up with everything he wanted only to return it the next day. Meanwhile he still uses his 15 yr old desk top pc that is an antique at this point and takes 20 min's to load up.
Mind you . . He is data storage specialist.


Last edited by justme on Sat May 31, 2014 10:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 1:15 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
We have the flat screen but its been three years since he lost the hardware to put it the rest of the way up. But wont buy new as "it is the principle of the thing....has to be here somewhere."

And no, I can almost never ask the right questions or convey the right information. Dont forget anything.

DH has returned so many things that he ended up not liking. Or the stuff sits there for years to return eventually, but then they are too old to return. Or the item regifted to him, which he hates, but then he wants to regift to someone else instead of giving it away?!?! Oh and we complained about a repair guy who had messed up out tv only to discover (after we were given reimbursement for the tv and got a new one) that it wasnt broken but that it hadnt been plugged in properly. So now he wants to balance out that oopsie karma-wise by giving the old tv to someone who doesnt have a tv. The thing is, most people have a tv, and nobody wants a bulky thing anymore. So it is in our closet xollecting dust for a few years now.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 1:58 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:12 pm
Posts: 195
StoptheMadness wrote:
OCPD BF has to research the living daylights out of EVERYTHING he purchases.......


Wow! My OCPD BF is signed up for a special website (forgot the name) and pays monthly fees, and the website is on the most recent and accurate product reviews. He searches for the best products for days, prints out info and finally purchases something. He started doing it for me too. On one hand, I appreciated it in the beginning, because I felt like of protected by him, I thought: "Wow, this guy gets the best stuff, and he will never let me down. He's a perfectionist and will resolve everything fairly"
What was I thinking?!!


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 2:38 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
jujumonkey wrote:
it is the principle of the thing

How many times have I heard that...One OCPD wife's favourite sayings "It doesn't matter about the facts, it's the principal". eg. "It doesn't matter that the carpet CAN be cleaned, it's the PRINCIPAL of not getting it dirty in the first place that matters"...

jujumonkey wrote:
And no, I can almost never ask the right questions or convey the right information. Dont forget anything.

I get quizzed on every phonecall, every conversation. Better still, she'll sit there while I'm on the phone and prompt and pull faces at me everytime I don't say it right or "give enough angry attitude, you're too nice...". So many times I have said "If you want it done a certain way, DO IT YOURSELF!!", the response being "I don't want to have to do everything myself, I want you to take some responsibility."...This being the start of a good JADEing session...

jujumonkey wrote:
but then he wants to regift to someone else instead of giving it away

jujumonkey wrote:
So now he wants to balance out that oopsie karma-wise by giving the old tv to someone who doesnt have a tv

Yep, all no-longer-required items are to be stored away until such time as they can be passed on to someone in need (usually her family, as OCPD mother in law won't buy anything new). All our old TVs, laptops, furniture, even mangy old carpets. When we refurbished the bathroom we had the old bath, toilet and basin stored out in the yard for a year 'just in case' someone needed them.

puresage wrote:
He searches for the best products for days, prints out info and finally purchases something.

OCPD wife searches for the best DEAL as opposed to best product. So you can rest assured the thing will do the bare minimums it needs to at the cheapest available price, as long as it got a 5 star rating review.. but of course there's always a 1 star review amonst them. I think the wonders of information technology have only contributed to worsening the OCPDers anxiety and decision making exercises...


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 1:24 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
While being forced by circumstances to stay with OCPD mom for a period of FOUR L-O-N-G months, I had need to use her computer to check my e-mail.
First thing I noticed was it took 10 minutes to load up the first screen. (Cable, no wifi…)
Second thing was it took about 2 minutes to load between pages.
This went on for a couple of weeks, THEN it started to intermittently flash the "BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH."

I told her as best I could I thought that the computer was slow. OCPD mom got mad at me and yelled at me in the hall upstairs. "WELL, IT WORKS WELL ENOUGH FOR ME!!!! IT DOES WHAT I WANT!"
Sort of….it took her 3 hours one time to type the notes for her cult. It should have taken 30 minutes, for heaven's sake, she had taught TYPING back in the day.

After this rant, no matter the weather, rain, shine, hail, sleet, blizzard etc… I took my laptop off to the coffee shop for some some peace, coffee and free wifi…OCPD mom could not understand WHY I would go to the coffee shop to check my e-mail. It was faster to go over there, then it was to try to fire up her OLD PC…

About a month after this explosion, she announces she is buying another computer….and does…which surprised me since she really did pick one out quickly which tells me she'd probably already been researching .(The dying one was 5+ years old…)

She brings the new one home and sets it up, but now she is ALL in A TIZZY because she has "to learn a new system that she does not understand." Somehow, she is also MAD at me, because apparently my THINKING it was an old and dying computer made it give up the ghost. I did not know I had that ability over technology….

She never ONCE admitted to me that her computer was old, dying or anything. She never apologized for yelling at me about it either. (sigh…) That's the OCPD way...

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 5:25 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2014 4:58 pm
Posts: 2
You guys make me feel better. I am a 39 year-old mother of two, with an MBA, and am currently the Vice President of Operations for a Fortune 100 company...........but dang it all............I can't do a load of laundry without the help of my husband. Only warm water, not hot, not cold. Only detergent with arm and hammer, not Tide. And the washer has to be running before you put the detergent in. The wash has to go immediately in the dryer or it will stink. 2 dryer sheets, not 1, not 3 (that's just wasteful) Somehow, even when I do it exactly like that instead of getting a "Thank you", he sniffs his shirt and says, "This stinks". Last time I'm doing your laundry Mr. Stinko.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 5:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:02 pm
Posts: 162
Mexico23 wrote:
You guys make me feel better. I am a 39 year-old mother of two, with an MBA, and am currently the Vice President of Operations for a Fortune 100 company...........but dang it all............I can't do a load of laundry without the help of my husband. Only warm water, not hot, not cold. Only detergent with arm and hammer, not Tide. And the washer has to be running before you put the detergent in. The wash has to go immediately in the dryer or it will stink. 2 dryer sheets, not 1, not 3 (that's just wasteful) Somehow, even when I do it exactly like that instead of getting a "Thank you", he sniffs his shirt and says, "This stinks". Last time I'm doing your laundry Mr. Stinko.


Mexico,

You made me smile. I don't dare do my DH's laundry. He does not want fabric softener of any kind and his laundry is not allowed to be dried in the dryer. I get it that everyone has personal preferences, but he certainly believes that his laundry prowess is perfect and I am an unenlightened idiot.

His clothes are probably his most important possessions. It is panic if he gets a spot on something he is wearing. Panic!


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 6:52 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 1:59 pm
Posts: 115
I keep saying that I didn't see it coming but to be honest I did have clues.

He lived with a woman for a very short time prior to meeting me. When asked why they parted he said `she talked on the phone too loud and cooked too loud' I wasn't sure I heard this correctly and I asked him a couple more times and each time he stuck what he felt to be his valid reason.

He also said that he used to leave his wife post it's all over the house to remind her to do things. He said she was very forgetful. He also said the reason they didn't have kids was that he felt he couldn't trust her with one.

Just as we were leaving for a trip he mentions that next time we go somewhere I need to make a list of the things I pack and show it to him. I told him no. He said he would make a list and show it to me. I politely said `no thank you, you can make a list but I don't need to see it'

At the time these responses registered as a little odd. Now they make a little more sense. Can't help but feel he gas lighted his young wife because lord know he started to with me.


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