Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 11:58 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:40 am
Posts: 709
puresage wrote:
Wow! OCPD's rules are ridiculous!

When I used a sink and there is one little spot on the mirror, he'd go: "O my God, WHAT happened here?!!"


This had me laughing today. I would get this all the time, along with "You are so splashy!" with a drop or 2 of water on the counter or mirror. And of course, the obligatory discussion of "capillary action" and so that it why even a small drop near the joint of the mirror was particularly deleterious! :roll: :roll: :roll: Wait, let me roll my eyes some more... :roll: :roll: :roll:

puresage wrote:
Oh, another good one: my BF got absolutely furious if I tried to feed him food with my fingers! He'd call me names, tell me I have no memory of him not liking it, I have no respect or care for him. When I asked him why it bothered him so much, he said: "Sanitary reasons!!!" It's just insane!


That would never happen either. Actually, it would happen, but the food would be held with the barest tip of a finger and carefully placed into the mouth (his or mine). And he said anyone who licks their fingers after eating (like you got salt or sauce on them while eating by hand) was gross. I must be gross, then! "Sanitary reasons" explains a lot for him.... :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 12:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:02 pm
Posts: 162
wwurst wrote:
Mermaid - the daily dumbass comment makes me laugh. I can't tell you how many times I have said something like "I can't believe I made it to 40 years old without your help - show me how to use that tricky spoon thing again"!


If you don't laugh you might cry! I'm always walking a fine line between the two. Seriously, I have lived a long time as a single mom, raising great kids, working and maintaining a home. BUT, OCPD husband and I married 2 years ago and you would think that him moving into my home is the only way I have managed. I am going to borrow your humor and ask him to show me how to properly use the tricky thing whenever he takes over my tasks to enlighten/dominate in his perfect ways. :D


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
Any non OCPDer ever have any luck hanging a picture by yourself that meets the specification of your OCPDer? I am laughing just thinking about the pure anguish this would cause my husband...when our son was newborn I had foam initials to spell his name and wanted them above the changing table. DH had to DRAW A TEMPLATE of the curve from the changing table to make a cardboard form to place the letters so they would be EXACTLY lined up with the curve of the changing table...OMG I am hysterically laughing just thinking about it. Laser levels, measuring tape, masking tape - hanging something is a monumental EVENT in my home. I could sell tickets!


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
wwurst wrote:
Any non OCPDer ever have any luck hanging a picture by yourself that meets the specification of your OCPDer?

Have you tried do-it-yourself home improvements with an OCPDer?

Edited: Content removed

I'm never painting doors or walls again...only OCPD DW is qualified for that task! Life's too short.


Last edited by ThinIce on Tue Jul 08, 2014 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:44 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:02 pm
Posts: 162
wwurst wrote:
Any non OCPDer ever have any luck hanging a picture by yourself that meets the specification of your OCPDer? I am laughing just thinking about the pure anguish this would cause my husband...when our son was newborn I had foam initials to spell his name and wanted them above the changing table. DH had to DRAW A TEMPLATE of the curve from the changing table to make a cardboard form to place the letters so they would be EXACTLY lined up with the curve of the changing table...OMG I am hysterically laughing just thinking about it. Laser levels, measuring tape, masking tape - hanging something is a monumental EVENT in my home. I could sell tickets!


I don't attempt picture hanging. It wouldn't suit him. BUT....he has things that he has wanted to hang that he hasn't. They are leaning against the wall. He asked for my opinion regarding where to hang them. He didn't really agree or disagree; he just can't make up his mind for sure about where they should hang. Sigh. They will probably not get hung....


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
Ah yes painting. A task I will never have to do again. My DH demolished our guest bath 3 days before Christmas and just finished it last week - but I have to say it is frickin perfect. And I mean perfect!


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:53 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
I have come to accept (mostly) that any home improvement will take a seriously long time. A half hour project will take 3 weeks.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 3:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:09 am
Posts: 1083
My undiagnosed OCPD estranged H has taken > 30 years to build a 1200sq ft 2 story post and beam salt box house. It still has plywood floors and several windows that have not as yet been installed. (He built all the windows himself) and it is so unfinished that we can not sell to anyone who would need a bank loan.
Yes it is perfect . I waited to move into it longer than I lived in it. I just could not be as patient and understanding as he needed for him to show how truly talented he is. If I had paid for his labor I would be bankrupt. He has not held an outside job while doing this..this was his only focus.And yes > 30 years..I ran out of patience with his need to control every aspect and do it all himself. In his mind I am intolerant and impatient.
I followed all his rules for 35 years and in the end I lost.
gs


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 3:37 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
Oh, oh…the sublime joy of car shopping with the OCPD-er….(said with dry sarcasm…) It took 6 years…SIX….I got to hear about how they(OCPD mom and EF) were going to buy a NEW car for 6 years…I was inured to her car talk after about 2 years, so when she FINALLY bought something after 6 years and it was parked in her driveway, I was actually shocked….I thought am I dreaming this?…somebody pinch me!

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 4:10 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:12 pm
Posts: 195
My OCPD bf would get extremely mad if I put away groceries in the fridge and if one item is god forbid out of place! I asked him humorously a couple of times if I can put things away and he seriously told me: "NO!!!"
It feels like their life depends on this crazy order keeping routine... Sometimes it feels like he's walking behind me and making sure I don't drop something, step on something or make any spills... And always talks to me in a military tone of voice... Do they ever get a break from being so robotic?!!!


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 4:29 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
puresage wrote:
It feels like their life depends on this crazy order keeping routine...

It seems to me that they feel very uncomfortable or anxious if things aren't kept in 'order'. It genuinely makes them restless and uneasy.

puresage wrote:
My OCPD bf would get extremely mad if I put away groceries in the fridge

I'm allowed to put things in the fridge but the freezer is a different story. If something goes in the wrong drawer... And since our freezer is stuffed to the brim with bargins that we're never going to use, there isn't any room for 'gerneral' food, in which case it is exlusivey down to OCPD wife to determine how things will fit, and once they're in position everything MUST stay in that position..of course I can't rememeber how it was all stacked, so when the peas go back in the wrong place...

Not forgetting that the top of the milk MUST be wiped with a cloth before putting the lid on, otherwise milk will dry in the lid and go off, and contaminate the whole fridge.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 5:05 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 16, 2014 1:59 pm
Posts: 115
Beginning with the condescending declaration, in a public parking lot "This is the rule. . you will wait for me outside of the public bathroom"

"This is the rule (with his hands on my shoulders, close up in my face) If you think of the something you want from the grocery store and do not tell me, you are not allowed to mention it when I get back" I mistakenly mentioned that I should have asked him to pick up salsa, but I figured he would have already been almost home. Seriously. . I thought he was joking. Stunned to find out he was serious. Speechless actually. I asked him what his issue exactly was with my comment. He said I was being negative . .(huh)

I commented on my stomach rumbling loudly one morning. He said "that's what stomachs do, I already told you, you are repeating yourself!" Stunned, again I said, `yes, but I think the last time I mentioned it it was 2 weeks ago" " See,you are repeating yourself!" he says. "You don't know what that does to my brain!" (huh) When hashing it out later I told him that I am likely to repeat myself again because I am human after all. Is this going to be a problem? He stared at me for the longest time and then told me he would do his best but it was likely going to be a problem for him.

omg. .thanks for the space to write this stuff. .the further away I get from it the crazier it sounds.


Last edited by justme on Wed May 28, 2014 5:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 5:10 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Oh my, the home improvement and hanging things/painting!
OCPDH must have an anchor for jist about every possible hanging item. Mind you, the man makes more holes than I ever did, lol!

He hates painting because his grandmother msde him paint her porch and he kept "missing a spot", yet no one else is allowed to paint. I finally was allowed to help, especially because I was the only one who could do the sponging thing.


We also cannot replace hanging hardware (it has been three years) for a tv mount that has been up but not connected to a tv "since iits around here somewhere." I am going to wait until he is out of town and then get Home Depot to look at the manual and replace it all, lol! He "angry cleaned" one day and lost the hardware for my pullup bar, but I had the company name so ordered a set.

Mine is also the king of purchasing stuff and then deciding he doesnt like it after all. He also doesnt get to "shoring things up" when he thinks there is a safety issue, so we have had a box of cd's at the bottom of our landing and a mostly empty media cabinet on the wall. He thought something was cracking (i think it was a random noise elsewhere) so he assumed the worse and emptied it. Something else to take care of with a handyman.


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 5:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:26 pm
Posts: 948
Location: Southeast US
Escee's comment:
"Oh, oh…the sublime joy of car shopping with the OCPD-er…."

BTDT, just a little faster, 3 years. But you may find the procrastination on the back end, too. Disposal, if not a trade, will require research and dithering over whether the car can be sold at a fair value. One was held for 10 years until sold at a loss to a grandkid and the next is still in the yard after 2 years. (waiting on the church to accept it for a priest)


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 Post subject: Re: The strange rules of my OCPD-er.
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 6:30 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
justme wrote:
"This is the rule (with his hands on my shoulders, close up in my face) If you think of the something you want from the grocery store and do not tell me, you are not allowed to mention it when I get back"

Well here's a good one. One day I ran out of milk and popped down the store half a mile away to get some. OCPD wife comes home from work:
me "I went out and got some milk earlier, so you can cross it off your list"
her "Why didn't you just text me to get some on my way home?"
me "it's only half a mile to the shop"
her "yes but I'm already going past it"

Fine, so next time I'm home and run out of milk I text her. She gets home:
her, all bothered and long suffering, doesn't say anything to me a half an hour.
Eventually, her "You could have got milk yourself you know!"
me "Last time I did that you told me to text you to get some."
her "I was in a meeting until late and then I had to go ALL the way round to the store JUST to get milk. And you KNOW what the traffic's like this time of day. I could have done without it. I's taken me an extra 45 minutes to get home because of this.." and so the rant continued...
me "So why didn't you just text back and tell me you didn't have time?"
her - switches into silent mode and walks off. Rest of evening is tense and uncomfortable.

Honestly, I swear she deliberately sets my up for a fall. It's as if they WANT to get p****d off with us. She also expects me to be able to read her mind, from 20 miles away. You're always wrong even when you're doing it right...

Incidentally, has anyone had furniture OCPD? Furniture has to be positioned in such a place so that it can remain undisturbed for the rest of time. If furniture IS moved then it MUST at ALL COSTS be repositioned such that the feet are exactly aligned with the original 'feet marks' in the carpet. Also, if furniture must be moved temporarily, then it must not create new feet marks in the carpet. This can be achieved by constantly moving it, every day, to a different position. If OCPD wife had her way everything and everyone would hover above the carpet. Oh, and don't touch the walls, you'll disturb the paint and leave a shiny patch that can be seen if you look at it from an angle with the light in the right place...


Last edited by ThinIce on Tue Jul 08, 2014 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

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