Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 2:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:39 pm
Posts: 256
I have OCPD and a very high *** drive. I also exhibited the roll over and sulking (no clue about the child voice stuff though) and it was me withholding initiation because I did not feel loved. It stemmed from my taking her lack of constant perfection as a sign of not loving me (insane I know). I also never let her rise to the level of acceptability (OCPD), so she could not initiate either.

In my case my wife is submissive to me and I am dominant of her, which no doubt feeds my need for control in a healthy way. Acting on this relationship dynamic enables me to let go of the small stuff.

She can keep doing stuff all day long that bugs me if she keeps letting me do xyz. Not a 'deal' actually, but a wake up call for pig headed me! I'm not suggesting a lifestyle change for anyone, nor is it likely wise to feed a tendency that accompanies a negative personality trait or behavior. If you two can, however, arrive at a place where that dynamic would be helpful and loving ( weird I know but it's true for us at least) these other issues may literally disappear.

None of the folks here expressing longing and loneliness deserve this kind of cold shouldered life.

Oh and @HadEnough, I thought the same thing actually! I may have to look at support groups in a whole new light ;)

_________________
Middle-Aged Husband Father OCPD'r Able-to-Change
Cramer : 72
Too Perfect : Buku Yes's
Al Bernstein: 13


Last edited by OCPD_Husband_SoCal on Fri Aug 22, 2014 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:53 am
Posts: 64
Our *** life sucks. My libido is up and down, but the BF's is generally steady. However, he comes across as an incredibly lazy and selfish lover. He really doesn't care about my enjoyment, or whether I have an orgasm. He rarely does enough foreplay beyond the bare minimum to get himself ready, and is always super disappointed when I'm not ready to go after 2 minutes. It also often feels like he's really not attracted to me physically anymore. He certain likes a couple of fun features, but I don't feel like he thinks I'm sexy in any way.

I would LOVE to have a something on the side, preferably with his consent, but that would never, ever happen. I would love it if someone thought I was hot and sexy and amazing, and wanted to do very fun things with me. I've even been close to doing the online thing a few times, just because sometimes I'm so starved for that sort of relationship.

I'm able to be OK with a lot of parts of our weird relationship, but this has been the toughest pill to swallow.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
In my case my wife is submissive to me and I am dominant of her, which no doubt feeds my need for control in a healthy way. Acting on this relationship dynamic enables me to let go of the small stuff.


This is good, and if you both are happy with it, and remain happy with it, it's dandy.

I just find myself feeling a little uneasiness about the idea that you may need it. If your wife ever stops liking that submissive role, I'd hate for the whole thing to fall apart because that's the one piece holding it together. If she had any doubts about the role, I could imagine that she might not dare tell you. And I could imagine that the novelty of not being submissive could, conceivably, be feeding some of the flirting.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:24 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:39 pm
Posts: 256
She is a typical submissive woman, professional in her career and wanting to not be in charge in bed. We have been this way for 15 years, and recently have me being with other submissive women which was her idea. I made a date an hour ago with a woman I met last night, and my wife was charged up enough about the idea that she literally jumped my bones.

I am with other women for things my wife is not 'into', but lately having taken her up on the offer, she is starting to get into these same things. Ain't life grand.

_________________
Middle-Aged Husband Father OCPD'r Able-to-Change
Cramer : 72
Too Perfect : Buku Yes's
Al Bernstein: 13


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 4:41 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
She is a typical submissive woman, professional in her career and wanting to not be in charge in bed. We have been this way for 15 years, and recently have me being with other submissive women which was her idea. I made a date an hour ago with a woman I met last night, and my wife was charged up enough about the idea that she literally jumped my bones.

I am with other women for things my wife is not 'into', but lately having taken her up on the offer, she is starting to get into these same things. Ain't life grand.


So...wait...but she's not supposed to hold someone's hand?

You see the issue that I see here, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:02 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:39 pm
Posts: 256
Totally, and to say that our arrangement is 'unfair' would be a gross understatement. Thing is, she does not want any physical contact with other men, but she wants attention, talk and emotional connection. I am permitted physical connections, but not romantic or emotional attachments. She actually thinks touching other men is 'gross' and it's even worse if they touch her. The whole issue with the hand holding was her lying about it. She even picked a gay guy so she would not see it as sexual. I asked her at length if she wanted more physical contact than me, and she insists she does not. She was hammered on an empty stomach and felt like a girl on an innocent date in junior high school.

This arrangement is tough to understand I'm sure, but considering that she asked me to do this, gets excited (sexually and otherwise) when I do things with other women, and shows me off to her friends might shed some light. My wife is a subtle form of CuckQueen, without the need for humiliation that typifies the type. Now I'm clearly in TMI realm.

_________________
Middle-Aged Husband Father OCPD'r Able-to-Change
Cramer : 72
Too Perfect : Buku Yes's
Al Bernstein: 13


Last edited by OCPD_Husband_SoCal on Fri Aug 22, 2014 6:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:04 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
Totally, and to say that our arrangement is 'unfair' would be a gross understatement. Thing is, she does not want any physical contact with other men, but she wants attention, talk and emotional connection. I am permitted physical connections, but not romantic or emotional attachments. She actually thinks touching other men is 'ew icky gross' and it's even worse if they touch her. The whole issue with the hand holding was her lying about it. She even picked a gay guy so she would not see it as sexual. I asked her at length if she wanted more physical contact than me, and she insists she does not. She was hammered on an empty stomach and felt like a girl on an innocent date in junior high school.

This arrangement is tough to understand aim sure, but considering that she asked me to do this, gets excited (sexually and otherwise) when I do things with other women, and shows me off to her friends mitt shed some light. My wife is a subtle form of CuckQueen, without the need for humiliation that typifies the type. Now I'm clearly in TMI realm.


I'm going to muse over this for a while, but I want to say that it's misleading, VERY misleading, for you to present the original question to us as if you and your wife have the normal exclusive marriage arrangement. People are thinking badly of your wife for a little handholding and flirting, because it's their (incorrect) understanding that this is a conventional marriage.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:16 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:39 pm
Posts: 256
I'm sorry for that if I have misused folks time and attention. I can only say I typically say way too much, and was attempting to zero in on the issue that I was concerned about, that it was not behavior she and I believe is ok for her, and that I have subsequently realized is not a big deal (I was wrong, but needed help from others here in order to realize that). I even suggested yesterday that she dance with guys since it might be nice if she felt an unfamiliar set of hands on her while she had fun.

The last thing I want to do is disrespect anyone's time on this board, but I understand if you feel mislead in some way. And I do truly appreciate the help you and many others have given me. I'm not the best communicator.

_________________
Middle-Aged Husband Father OCPD'r Able-to-Change
Cramer : 72
Too Perfect : Buku Yes's
Al Bernstein: 13


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:36 pm 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
I'm sorry for that if I have misused folks time and attention. I can only say I typically say way too much, and was attempting to zero in on the issue that I was concerned about, that it was not behavior she and I believe is ok for her, and that I have subsequently realized is not a big deal (I was wrong, but needed help from others here in order to realize that). I even suggested yesterday that she dance with guys since it might be nice if she felt an unfamiliar set of hands on her while she had fun.

The last thing I want to do is disrespect anyone's time on this board, but I understand if you feel mislead in some way. And I do truly appreciate the help you and many others have given me. I'm not the best communicator.


Well, misunderstandings happen, but I think that it would make sense to add this information to that thread. It does, IMO, fundamentally change the situation. Mainly, to me, it means that the two of you are defining marriage and marital fidelity from scratch, and so our reactions to her actions can't be based on the usual rules.

I have more thoughts, about the interaction between submission and superior/inferior relationships in that one area of your life, versus how that may interact with the rest of your life. But those thoughts seem to belong on that thread, and I'm not going to be the one to add this information to that thread.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:40 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:25 am
Posts: 4874
I don't usually read posts on the popular threads because frankly, they are too long to read. LOL

I am actually surprised there are not more dominance marriages with an OCPDer.

To be honest, I am not sure what change you want to make.

_________________
Married 10+ years
Diagnosed 18 years ago
Fairly good marriage


“ When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time."
― Maya Angelou


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:17 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:00 pm
Posts: 36
I must admit that without giving supplying the context, I too felt that your thread was completely misleading. I am a little surprised that this did not occur to you, and whether it was omitted subconsciously or intentionally. I hope you both resolve the issues between you and are able to reach a satisfactory understanding.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 8:31 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
She is a typical submissive woman, professional in her career and wanting to not be in charge in bed. We have been this way for 15 years, and recently have me being with other submissive women which was her idea. I made a date an hour ago with a woman I met last night, and my wife was charged up enough about the idea that she literally jumped my bones.

I am with other women for things my wife is not 'into', but lately having taken her up on the offer, she is starting to get into these same things. Ain't life grand.


:shock: :o :(

Your relationship with your wife is not the typical marriage that you lead this thread to believe….as far as I am concerned you falsely advertised yourself as this "poor OCPD husband" who thought he had a philandering wife; Which is SO NOT THE CASE. This is not cool…not in the least… And THEN you have the audacity to gloat about how you get to be with "other women" and now the little woman is accommodating you…that's just….best polite word I can use "low-down and icky." :evil:

I know you apologized above, but REALLY? You had NO clue we'd think different of the WHOLE wife hand-holding scenario if you told us from the get go you two had an open marriage….that is extremely arrogant and self absorbed thinking…or you just wanted to yank our chains….I don't appreciate it in the slightest.

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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