Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 9:50 am 
I won't say your experience is wierd, if you don't say mine is acting.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 10:18 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:06 pm
Posts: 266
Ocpd&cancer2 wrote:
I won't say your experience is wierd, if you don't say mine is acting.


I never said you were acting. I said, a lot of people embellish on their sex life thinking it is what their partner wants. Why do you think it's not uncommon for a woman to fake an orgasm at some point or another. Many people have different reasons and a lot of the time it's because they want their SO to feel good about the experience.

There probably are many woman that do make a lot of noise during sex (full on screaming). The parts of a female's brain that control emotion and fear are shutdown (to some degree) during an orgasm. (an example: http://digitaljournal.com/article/162498 )

Now, since you are insinuating that I am claiming you were acting, I will also take the suggestion that you believe someone is weird for being non-vocal from time to time during orgasm. Have you actually discussed this with other people? I have before and I found that it is not completely uncommon. Everyone expresses themselves differently and sometimes differently each time. In other words, I never said I was silent all the time.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 6:54 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 16, 2010 4:40 pm
Posts: 1314
Location: Suburbs of Atlanta
I just had to comment... if you've ever had kids living in the house... you've learned how to be non-vocal!

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Liza Jane

Peace is the result of training your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be. ~ Wayne Dyer


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 7:25 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:06 pm
Posts: 266
LizaJane wrote:
I just had to comment... if you've ever had kids living in the house... you've learned how to be non-vocal!


You know, I never thought of that. I lived with my children for years and I was a bit self conscious about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2012 3:57 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:17 pm
Posts: 1935
Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
Re: Sound effects - for me, personally, I enjoy variety. Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, I like to make more noise, other times less, sometimes I enjoy completely silence, as if we are trying not to get caught.

My OCPD ex, however, seemed to have a script - I was SUPPOSED to make noise, lots of it, and talk dirty. Sometimes that worked for me, and sometimes it was a real turn-off. When we were not "in the heat of the moment," I periodically tried talking to him about this, about how, "Sometimes, I'm just having such a good time that talking dirty becomes a distraction, KWIM?" and he would nod and say he understood, and the next time, even if I said, "Baby, I don't want to be loud right now, I just want to enjoy this," he would keep babbling at me until I would "act" for his benefit as it was the quickest/easiest way to finish him up and be allowed to go to sleep.

Interestingly, my ex *hated* porn; felt it was degrading to women. :roll:

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:13 pm 
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Joined: Wed Dec 26, 2012 3:36 am
Posts: 4
Well, I'm not able to have sex because of too tight foreskin.
Morally, I think it basically means that not everyone is supposed to live reproductive life just look at ants, bees etc. If I look it at an evolution stand point of view then I must come to the conclusion that I'm not supposed to have sex ever. Passing on my faulty genes? Never.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:13 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 2:47 pm
Posts: 7
Wow.... These are my observations and experiences as well.

My eyes are being opened.
I see the past so much clearer and the future looks pretty damn hopeless.
I almost wish I was still blind.
At least then there was more hope.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:49 pm
Posts: 2
After prostate surgery, anytime my husband was capable of an erection he demanded immediate sex. It could be 3 in the morning when I needed to be rested for a long workday. He'd be on top of me. That's how I would wake up. I would come home from an exhausting business trip, and his first words were, "I took the Cialis already!" (These sexual enhancement pills cost about $40 apiece and are not covered by our insurance. Because we are struggling financially, his words put me on notice that he would not suffer wasting money.) After awhile I had no further interest in being his human blow-up doll. Because my interest had waned, he was very angry with me for not showing him the extra love, support, and "attention" he needed to achieve better erections on his own. He blamed me for his sexual dysfunction, a condition I expected following surgery. He listened selectively to the surgeon, fully expecting a complete return to sexual performance in 2-3 months.
We are now temporarily separated. I do not ever care to have sex with him again.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:38 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:59 am
Posts: 213
This is such a fascinating thread. My OCPDH is a very sexual man. At one point several years into our relationship and after several kids he suggested that we aim to have sex 3-4 times a week. I figure if its happening one to two times a week he's lucky. For me, I probably need to do some self examination and see if there is something turning me off to sex. I know that I'm not nearly as interested as he is. I know that a lot of that is his OCPD. I've tried telling him that he is not speaking my love languages - ie helping where I need help. He doesn't seem to get it because he's interested no matter what. Also his criticism is very off-putting.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:59 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:48 am
Posts: 13
Just to add to what others have shared. My ocpdxh was also into sex. More than me later in marriage, it was kind of routine for him. If I was not in the mood or refused it would make him angry in a passive aggressive kind of way. I often found that it was 'safer' to give in to his sexual needs/demands. Yes, i realize now that I was enabling him in his rigid ways. He made me feel as if something was wrong with me when most often the issue was lack of emotional intimacy. Yes, there were things i did not like and I made it clear, but he still insisted things to be done the way he wanted me. I was criticized for not doing what he wanted and he was giving me all kinds of logical explanations on why his way was the right way. Total disregard to my feelings. He expected me to be excited about sex whenever he was excited. Eventually the sex function became a big O function of our marriage approaching an inevitable disaster.

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Thankfully, not a wife anymore


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 12:23 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:49 pm
Posts: 16
She likes it a LOT, but criticizes if it doesn't work perfectly every time..


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 12:28 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:49 pm
Posts: 16
beaporqupine wrote:
My issue was that my stbx wanted it constantly...but only the physical aspect. No kissing, no emotion. He made me feel cheap and trashy.I definately don't miss that!

-Bea


Mine likes sex also, but she does not really like kissing, or even being close... after is the only time she will ever hold me.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 5:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Mine wanted it a certain way all of the time....felt like groundhog day. The time or two I tried to say what I wanted, it wasnt possible for him for x, y, z reasons. I have a lot of baggage in this area as well, and was abused before. The one time we did it and I felt like I was really close afyerwards, he was very cold. Interestingly, he wanted to cuddle after. It has been 6 1/2 years now, when we conceived my youngest. I tried when I was pregnant, and I think he was turned off. He has brought it up again recently, but I am done pretty much. The shop is closed, and I dont know if it will ever open up again. Too much hurt, it isnt even fun, just a chore. Maybe if I stay, I will get up the guts to do it to keep the peace, but the thought is disgusting for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:29 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:51 pm
Posts: 64
When we were together for the first weekend it was very, very good, but by the end of the weekend I could sense her anxiety level rising and after she wanted to take a "nap" on Sunday afternoon, which was really sex, she became sad and quietly said " now you control me". I assured her I did not want to control her, but it didn't matter what I said then. She became more loaded with anxiety after that, like she was trying to not let herself feel to much emotion. And if I initiated sex it became more noticeable that intimacy was less important than just achieving an orgasm. The time between sex grew greater with her increasing anxiety level. She became increasingly critical of how and when she wanted to have sex. Within four months we had gone from one extreme to the other!

What bothers me the most is the memory of her sad expression and saying that "now you control me". I wanted so much to get her out of that negative mindset, to rekindle her initial attraction to me and her display affection kindly, but it was not something she would discuss, just monitoring it internally until she once again reclaimed total control over that aspect of her life. Controlled like some strict imaginary parent was internally monitoring her emotions. It was the beginning of the end for the relationship.


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 Post subject: Re: Sexual Interest On OCPD'ers
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:31 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:19 pm
Posts: 6
This is one area where I am not 100% on the OCPD charts. Our sex life (live in fiance of 2 years) is and always has been fireworks EXCEPT for the few weeks after I finally sought help and went on Zoloft. That did cause sexual side effects - it was almost impossible to have an orgasm and before, it was so easy, multiple times every time. I didn't like having to 'work' at sex. I went back and was given wellbutrin to alleviate the problems and it has helped for the most part. We have the best sex ever - both of us agree - because we are open and we communicate and we truly want to give each other pleasure. I'm thankful for this - and expect this is one reason we put up with some of our faults. It's never been better. There have been lulls, but with his depression, losing a job, etc. we always find our way out of it. We both initiate - sometimes there are just those 'quickies' for his relief, other times we schedule a block of time. Either way- we both are open and talk about it like a 'what's for dinner?' conversation - no fear or anxiety. We ask and so far, we've both been willing to do whatever the other likes or asks for. That was not true in the beginning - and I must admit, I was very sexually challenged, let's say, with other men when the intimacy and connection was not there. I am most comfortable with my fiance and this luckily is not one of our challenges. I can see how OCPD would/could get in the way - with the spontaneity, the messiness, the intimacy.


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