Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 1:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
So, what's the deal with coming up with really strange beliefs about things and then sticking with them?

I'm sure most of you remember that laundry was a huge deal for my H and a problem between us. Well, when DD was at my place, we were chatting about how pleased I am with the washer/dryer I purchased with her. She mentioned the washer at the house was still having some issues. I told her that I had Googled some possible solutions, since it's a known problem with that model, and told H about it before I moved out. She started to laugh and told me that he says it's working better now - she said it's really not. He has told them to stop using fabric softener because that's causing it. The problem is that the sensor isn't working properly and it's not completely draining.

How could fabric softener possibly be the problem? Not related in ANY way! I just don't get it.

Ok decide you're not going to repair it and that you will get a new one when it breaks, but why pretend it's working and that you have resolved it with some kooky fix?! Aaah! So glad it is NOT my problem and DD laughed it off.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2016 2:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:24 pm
Posts: 980
Location: Texas
Is this what I have read about called magical thinking? Or is that another behavior?
It sounds like your H has an answer for everything, but not always the correct answer.
Your DD has had some experience with this over the years I'm sure. You said she was pretty sharp about picking up on H's behaviors.

-lily

_________________
If you want to fly...you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down.


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2016 1:47 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:15 pm
Posts: 651
That was beautiful and and touched my heart. I am with you on this journey and I get it.


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2016 11:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
A couple of songs:

According to You by Orianthi - my before

Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye - my after

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2016 4:27 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Hi, all! Things are going mostly good for me. I'm not on pins and needles and am enjoying my peace.

I'm having just a little difficulty keeping my energy even. My sleep cycle is still a little messed up, too. I have done a lot to get my place set up and have been enjoying buying new and repurposing new to me items. However, there are still LOTS of boxes still packed and maybe 2 carloads of stuff (or more) still at the house. I'm finding myself avoiding both the house and the boxes. It is my prerogative to do things at my pace, but am beginning to feel uncomfortable with the clutter. So I attempted one box which ended up with me uncovering a couple of greeting cards from H. They were from within the last year and said I love you forever or similar. I found myself a little teary and pretty melancholy. The main thought, though, was how MUCH he had let me down. How he had not held up his end of our relationship and the promises that went along with that. I don't usually think about the calls and whatever with other real women. But REALLY, how could he do that to me? What a creep.

And still I am sad that my children are not with me. I have concerns that they are working and doing as much outside the house as possible, likely to avoid dealing with all of this change. We are working hard to have dinner once a week and DD is working every night. DS seems worried about her. I need to reach out. She opens up to me when the opportunity is thrust upon her.

I'm able to redirect and not hang onto the sadness for long. My plan is to attack a few boxes that have items that I love, that I have collected very separate from H. Cleaning up some things that I enjoy and either letting go of or storing more sensitive items for a later time.

Thoughts and suggestions are always welcome.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2016 5:10 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2014 2:48 pm
Posts: 2185
Give yourself some slack. Don't worry about right or wrong in regards to how quickly you get things done, but also, get your stuff from the house!!

The longer it stays there, the longer you have the pull of that in your mind--the nagging reminder that it's there and that you'll eventually have to go get it. Go get that stuff, and cut that last little string that is keeping you tied to the past. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be and the more awkward it will be when you finally do go get it. If you can't go through it all now, that's okay. Stack it up someplace and do it later; however, it needs to be stacked up in YOUR space, not his.

Your kids would likely be spending just as much time away at their ages as they would be if you were still at home. Try not to mingle the divorce stuff with the "normal" stuff. You view everything right now from the perspective of a newly separated person, your kids have their own points of reference and your situation is likely not affecting them as thoroughly as it is affecting you.

That being said, do keep communication with you daughter open and do what you can to get her to feel safe talking to you. It could be that her brother knows something you don't about DD and her personal life, or he could be worried about Dad's affect on her without you there. You are fortunate that your son is talking to you about his concern for his sister. You are a great mom, so just keep being you!


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 7:46 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:24 pm
Posts: 980
Location: Texas
Hi, RT.
I am feeling envious of you even if you are stuck in unpacking. :) You are stuck in a much better place. Be gentle with yourself. You have done a tremendous, hard job. Take a break.
Lean into the emotions you are feeling. After years of living with anxiety, your normal or lowered feelings could feel like depression to you.
I know you are missing your daughter. They grow up so fast. We think we will have plenty of time but then we don't. You can still be there for her if she truly needs you.
Sending you an internet ((HUG))

-lily

_________________
If you want to fly...you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down.


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 10:22 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Thanks so much! Yes, I think that the not-on-eggshells does tend to feel down to me. Thanks for pointing it out. RL mentioned the same as you both to me. Just take some time away from feeling like I have to accomplish something - I need to be aware of those lingering fleas... Remember "I will not 'should' on myself today". LOL

A very nice turn of events last night. I texted DD on my way home to say hello. She was out with her new BF. I offered that I would be around if they felt like stopping by after. She texted later and asked if they could come by for dinner. I offered to whip up something but she said they'd bring food. Very nice young man. Refused for me to pay him back for dinner. Low-key and even a little shy. Boy! Makes me feel great! She really has her head on straight. They hung around for a few hours. She texted me after to ask what I thought. She also told me how much she likes my place. That it is really peaceful and that she can tell that I'm much happier and that she loves that! Wow! This will all work out.

Thanks to everyone here. My thoughts and prayers are with you where you are on this journey.

I had some contact with H today. We are finalizing some financial details and I have made some arrangements to pick up the rest of my stuff. H suggested that the kids could bring it to me, but there are some items that I need to choose myself. Lambkins, you're right. Procrastinating about those things isn't serving me well. Just keeps that anvil hanging over my head. I'm fairly certain that he will not have my holiday things available, but I think DS can get those for me another time if necessary.

Ok- enough of that. I'm feeling good about where the kids are with all of this. That is huge for me.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2016 7:23 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Cross-posting "Don't give up on me":

post78567.html#p78567

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2016 1:37 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
RT, how are you doing? You haven't posted in a while, so I am thinking that you are pretty happy right now?


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 1:27 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Juju,
Thanks so much for checking in.
Things have been going well. I have had some emotional ups and downs, which I see as normal. More ups than downs so manageable.

I've been trying to stick to my mantra of " Less thinking, more doing" in order to keep out of my head and moving forward, positively instead of spiraling.

I have been keeping up with the board, reading and checking in usually a few times a day. Maybe this is just over analyzing, but I feel rather self-centered when I'm posting. I think it's just having the opportunity to think about myself is such a change it's startling. I am wondering every now and then if I'm a bit of a narcissist, myself.

I'll do an update that includes some insights that my DD has shared. For now, suffice to say that our children are affected by our dysfunctional partners and they are aware of more than we know.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 1:35 am 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
Rikki, you're absolutely not a narcissist. I think that a little more self-centeredness would be a healthy step for you.


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 1:48 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Thanks for the reality check, Fava!

It's actually been amazing - deciding things just for me (occasionally a little overwhelming, but mostly awesome), spending time alone (something I'm feeling comfortable doing maybe for the first time. I don't even turn on the tv. Thank goodness family and friends have been calling and texting. I have really only been reaching out to my kids. I'm kinda in detox. LOL).

I am in frequent contact with RL. Usually morning and evening. Occasionally during the day. Enough to build and maintain a relationship. Distant enough - and he is quite independent, and I am learning to be, not to rush into anything too intense. It is nice. A very special long-time love. The support and the "normal" are so appreciated by me.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2016 9:56 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 5:24 pm
Posts: 980
Location: Texas
RT,
Good to hear you are doing well. You are not a Narcissist. I would know if you were. :roll: Two things come to my mind; you have fleas from living with a difficult person for so long (possibly has NPD) and you have been focused on him so long that it feels selfish to concentrate on yourself. We all need some narcissistic traits. It's what helps us set boundaries and care for ourselves.
I have been watching this lady on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkUVh2 ... YwDjE689Wg
I like listening to her weekly Q and A. They are all archived on her channel, Thrive After Abuse. There is also a Facebook group. I love what she says at the end of each video. "You are not alone, you are not crazy and you can move forward and heal from this."
Lately I have been watching Dana every night before I go to sleep for about an hour. I find this has impacted my dreams in a good way. Not as many anxiety dreams; like not being able to find the bathroom or the classroom where the test is being given. I have been having standing up to the bully type dreams and it feels good.
The only bad thing is that I am seeing narcissistic behavior all around me. Also, recently, I find myself being triggered when I read about abuse being done to people. It could be that it was there all along and I avoided looking it. I could just be waking up to something that has been there all along.
Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

-Lily

_________________
If you want to fly...you have to give up the stuff that weighs you down.


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 Post subject: Re: RT Lift-off...RikkiTikki's Chronicle
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:06 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Thanks, Lily! I wil check out the link and the FB.

Paul - you're the administrator and therefore it's your prerogative to move my thread, but I dislike it and find it inconvenient.

I have had a triggering event. I hope that this is still a safe and supportive place for me. It knocked me for a loop. Totally changed my mood and perspective. I shared it with a few folks and have begun to feel a bit better, but it' would be easy to stay in this funk. I'm simply choosing NOT TO.

So... I was at the store and ran into someone I was friends with when DD and her daughter were in preschool together. We always really got along even though the girls moved on. Because of the controlling nature of my H, I didn't have the free time to maintain that friendship except at occasional school functions. But I told her about the divorce and she asked if I was living in the same place. I said I was local but had to move to facilitate the divorce. She was absolutely cool about it. Not a hint of judgment, maybe even total understanding. But you all know I am still working on that. The nasty voice in my head said," GOOD moms don't LEAVE their kids". I have judged a couple of neighbors and I sure as HELL am judging myself. It's one thing to be a single mom. It's something completely different to abandon your kids. SO YEAH, I KNOW!!! In my rational head I KNOW. It was my only choice and they are more than welcome to come with me now or at some point. But they aren't. It's been days with no contact - now they are responding to my texts because I reached out. Their schedules are too crazy to get together. OK, all normal, given their ages.

I ran into DD and her bf at the store tonight. It was fine. They are fine. There is a selfish part of me who is happy not to have the responsibility and can plan a weekend trip. I don't need to be in constant contact and control of them.

I DO need to kick the crap out of nasty ***** who keeps calling me a bad mom - in my own voice. WTF!?

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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