Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Is there a way?
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 10:18 am 
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Joined: Sun May 14, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 16
Is there a way to live happily ever after if you love the spouse that has ocpd how do you work through all the negativity controlling and lack of fun !


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 Post subject: Re: Is there a way?
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 11:56 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 7:26 pm
Posts: 579
I'm sure there is a way, but I was not able to find it. For a long time I saw the discontent, the stress in my marriage as my failure. Why couldn't I do better, be more accepting, be happier with what we had together?

I gsve too much of myself away in my efforts to have a good relationship. Once I started trying to assert ME more, the anxiety ramped up and things got worse. I eventually concluded we couldn't make it work. And I forgave myself and moved on.

If you can find a way to not compromise yourself too much, forgive and accept your wife her shortcomings - and she yours, it can work. It will require SOME compromise from both of you. If she won't cop to her part of this, I don't think you can get there.

My biggest frustration and subsequent disappointment was when my ex went to therapy and really made progress. He acknowledged his anxiety and was learning tools to deal with it without trying to control me or our son. It was working! Things got good, we had a good life and a relationship that was getting stronger. Then things started to slip - I begged him to go back to therapy, to keep working. He admitted to me much later, on my way out the door, that he had declared himself "cured" and stopped trying. I didnt have the energy left to do it anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: Is there a way?
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:10 am
Posts: 676
Location: U.S.
Maybe - but,I can only speak for myself, it has helped me to remember back to older days when I wasn't the overbearing hall monitor who had to stay late and turn off all the lights.....the same reactive inspirations(?) can still occur when the other somebody does something dangerous.....but, those worries are lessening...yippee...!

SOHC

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A+ (98) - Cammer Test
Having an obsessive who is not conscientious is the psychological equivalent of diagnosing acute Dengue Fever without any elevation in temperature.
http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/3/3/2158244013500675


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 Post subject: Re: Is there a way?
PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:58 pm
Posts: 62
I agree totally with Learn to Fly. I think that it depends upon how independent you want to be for how long. Developing interests without her so you are fulfilled may help you be happy, without relying on her for your happiness. Question is...can you do that long term. I started doing that and it helped me in the short term, but as the condition worsens with age, you will pulling away more and more to get some happiness in your life. In my case, it got to a point where we were just roommates with financial obligations and co-parenting our kids.


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 Post subject: Re: Is there a way?
PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:32 pm
Posts: 39
I'm going to guess you already know the answer to your question. But to phrase it another way - If you live a life with negativity & controlling behavior and with no fun in it, do you think that you will be able to continue to love that person forever and never resent them for all they've taken away?


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