Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 10:59 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:58 pm
Posts: 60
Hi Luckyguy,

I have read your thread top to bottom and I agree with all that was mentioned. AnnieBanannie is right on with that list of 7 attributes. My STBXH does every single one of them! And yes, OCPD distroys closeness. And yes, they belittle all the time. My H was not only negative and chronically complaining about his job, but also...

1. Hates his mom-she is the cause of his OCPD in my opinion

2. rotates hating his siblings
3. Complains about the neighbors
4. Complains about all services we used
5. Hates my brother
6. Thinks my parents are stupid
7. My daughters and I are lazy, ( we chose to let him do things for fear on the constant criticism and do things when he was not home)

I can go on and on....

But as I close in on 8 months being separated, and having done a lot of research on OCPD, unfortunately after moved out as I was unaware that his behavior was a disorder, I have come to the completely accurate conclusion that his actions are not perceived as bad, difficult, or intentional. It is just how he is wired. It is how his mind thinks. He cannot help it. And most importantly, in my case as in a lot of others here, his behavior got worse as he aged.

Understanding all the facets is so important. I am glad you are researching this while you are together with her.

:)

Movingon


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 11:39 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:10 am
Posts: 666
Location: U.S.
OCPDmanager wrote:

It's the same dynamic our member favasquash wrote about where the OCPDer is like a worker in the control room of a nuclear power plant and all his fellow workers are, literally, monkeys. He needs to watch them every second or else they'll melt down the power plant. It's the burden of responsibility he feels, almost as if he were carrying around a heavy weight on his shoulders. The idea the world would get by fine without his guidance is beyond him.

So to me, one method to make OCPD better is tilt the personality in a different way, to firm up those outer boundaries, begin to believe the outer world may get by for periods of time without the OCPDer, that it will take care of itself, and then maybe boundaries on the OCPDer's inner world would loosen up a bit. Open up his heart a little bit. Relax. Maybe, even, in a small way, begin to process emotions as they come up, and have an actual emotional give-and-take with his wife.

Sincerely, Paul


I know that my worries have gone down somewhat as my kids have matured. It is difficult to not want to help those closest to us, but our form of caring can be overwhelming, a "smother love" ....I have learned to use OCPD against itself...e.g., my oldest child had to drive me into town to retrieve my vehicle. I sat in the back seat and kept my mouth shut.....did I still think....oops, here they need some Fatherly instructions, etc...YES...but, I was just happy to get a ride and not having to be verbose. OCPD does allow for delayed gratifications....so, I delayed them till now....the fact of how proud I am that my child is a much improved driver.

I think my wife still believes that I want recognition for my efforts, but knowing that they are safe,....is satisfaction unto itself....and, contrary to what seems to be the consensus - that OCPD doesn't get better, or that it worsens....I would like to say, that my Family has changed as much, if not more than myself...it's just easier to relax around them now that it is obvious that are capable of fending for themselves.

One less life stressor....

SOHC

_________________
A+ (98) - Cammer Test
Having an obsessive who is not conscientious is the psychological equivalent of diagnosing acute Dengue Fever without any elevation in temperature.
http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/3/3/2158244013500675


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 5:08 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 14, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 15
Is it common if you have ocpd to start to do something but wonder off to do something else eventually you have half a dozen things your working on but non get done and it seems as if thought your exhausted even though it's only been a short period of time


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 7:25 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:58 pm
Posts: 60
My STBXH did that a lot. Not sure if it exhausted him. He would not verbalize that.

Movingon


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 11:15 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 20, 2014 12:40 pm
Posts: 417
Luckyguy wrote:
Is it common if you have ocpd to start to do something but wonder off to do something else eventually you have half a dozen things your working on but non get done and it seems as if thought your exhausted even though it's only been a short period of time


My STBXH always had projects going on in the garage and it looked like a bomb went off in there. When we moved to the house with a proper garage in 2008 - oversized 3 car - I required that I had a space for my honda civic. You would have thought I was telling him to beat his mother. :lol: For me to go in and find a hammer or a wrench would be SO frustrating. I banned any projects from coming into the house because of this. I wonder if they get distracted unless completely focused on completing a task. I also thing the possiblity of it not being perfect might distract them also


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 6:34 am 
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Joined: Sun May 14, 2017 6:28 pm
Posts: 15
Thank you everyone ....Movingon yes all of those are exactly the same over here also its very frustrating as I'm sure you know . my wife is obsessed with lists and as part of that obsession she will write me out a list of things to do on a daily basis in which( first off ill never do correctly ) the list its very long and totally not "doable" in one day .when the "list" is not complete in one day I will get the " what have you been doing why isn't this done if it was me I would have had it all done and then more" fully knowing that its not possible due to the fact of ocpd getting in the way of any completion of 1 project nevermind a total list my question I guess is how many if any of you have had this "problem" and if so is there ANY at all resolution :|


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 Post subject: Re: New to page helppppp
PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 10:34 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:32 pm
Posts: 21
I see a common issue in this thread, which is grouping all people with OCPD together. There are 5 subtypes of OCPD and they are each very different. On top of this, when one couples each subtype with a distinct personality (yes, we have distinct personalities) you get an infinite array of possible OCPD manifestations. For most people suffering with OCPD it can be hard to be in a relationship, as we can have strong tendencies to damage them. However, the idea that we are unloving or uncaring or that we are incapable of showing those emotions is completely false. That's only one of the subtypes. I have a video series on OCPD and some of the videos discuss OCPD relationships, and I will continue to produce videos that deal in this subject. If anyone is interested, please let me know and I will share here.


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