Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 12:09 am 
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Joined: Wed May 20, 2009 9:56 pm
Posts: 2623
favasquash wrote:
I would suggest deliberately, willfully breaking every one of these rules.


Just to clarify, I'm not just suggesting that your wife break them--though I absolutely would recommend that too. I'm recommending that you go out of your way to break your own rules.


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 12:31 pm 
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Joined: Sat Aug 09, 2014 8:29 am
Posts: 23
Lol. I have to say it's certainly helped me with some of my stuff. I specifically choose to ignore my rules when I remember. I am much more relaxed nowadays although new ones always crop up.


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:26 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2014 9:29 am
Posts: 90
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
I have come to believe it is these crazy rules of mine that are at the core of my behavior. I can't stop the reactions completely, but if I don't quit with these insane rules I'll never stop reacting. Some of mine ...

Don't fill the coffee machine the night before, the beans get stale.
Get all the air out of ziplock bags, even if some sealed products intentionally have a bit of air in them.
Don't spray hairspray in the bathroom, it gets on everything.
Don't let water drops sit on the tile counter, because it's not water tight like a swimming pool.
Don't leave the plastic spoon in the pot while cooking, even if it can handle twice the heat.

It's endless, but we can stop ... I hope :)



The hairspray thing...all too familiar for my OCPD mother. She no longer uses her bathroom in her bedroom to get ready. She has migrated over the past 10 years to the utility sink in the basement to get ready. This has now become the only tooth brushing sink we are allowed to use. She has also added "protective carpets" to the floor so as to not let the hairspray mist damage the carpet underneath.

I just can't help but laugh at some of these tendencies. How in the world do us OCPD sufferers arrive at such conclusions of what will happen if we don't follow our rules?

_________________
"There are better rewards in stepping outside of your own comfort, than there are in never breaking down the walls that you've built."


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:02 am 
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Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:35 pm
Posts: 89
I agree that everyone has their own rules. My rule is simple: "YOU LIVE BY YOURS AND I'LL LIVE BY MINE!" Period!


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:48 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 15, 2014 1:16 pm
Posts: 192
Here are some of my husband's 'rules'. My husband is allowed to break the rules. I am not.

Never use bathroom fan- it will burn out.
No eating, chewing gum, having breath mints, drinking ice water (water with no ice is okay) in the bedroom
No doing laundry unless it's a full load
Only 2 pillows allowed on my sons bed
Only 1 stuffy in my daughters crib
No more than 2 Tupperware of each size
Thermostat never to be above 69 or below 68.
Must cut banana into little circles- not lengthwise
Must add sauces to food at the end and not near the end
No turning the heat or air up full-blast in the car.
No having soup in a mug - only in a bowl
No baking chicken
No shopping in thrift stores
No downloads on my computer without checking
No watching movies on anything but Netflix
Must cut lawn at least once a week in summer- unless drought
Must pack everything in one bag when travelling
Must not buy kids clothes or shoes a size up
No saving empty plastic bags.
No drinking the final sips of any beverage (only him- 'lets' me do it).
Must check air pressure in tires every time at the gas station.
No leaving anything on the kitchen counter (even things we use frequently like salt).
Must screw lids on tightly and put back in place.
No bibs on my daughter
Always unplug toaster- turning off is insufficient
No laundry or vacuuming when he is home (too noisy), unless it's an emergency (in his opinion)
Must respond immediately to children crying, babbling, shifting- unless it's his turn. In that case, the kids 'need to be independent'.
No cooking something without a recipe.
Sets of furniture belong together in same room- Must not be in different rooms.
Must not
Talk to cold callers or people knocking on the door. Must tell them 'take me off your list'.
Must walk immediately from the mailbox to the garbage to throw out fliers- no putting them on the counter- even for a moment.
Must not stick things on the fridge (they will be discarded)- sometimes exemptions will be given for
Children's artwork if advance permission is sought.
Never buy anything without market research to ensure it's the 'best'.
Must not buy 'sale items', since that are 'on sale for a reason'.
Must not use the bright over head light if he is in the room.
Must always try to make a bargain with salespeople. No attempt to bargain is basically throwing money away.

I basically ignore these rules at this stage- but I don't fight about it. I nod to acknowledge him talking- but then just carry on how
I please. :)


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 11:20 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:24 pm
Posts: 9
Some of these made me laugh so hard. My bf is a big fan if rules. I read a lot of them out to my bf, especially the ones that he adheres to, and he nodded solemnly, saying that they were sensible, common sense rules. He then happily suggested that we employ some of the ones he hadn't thought of!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2014 11:51 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 11:01 pm
Posts: 7
I'm new, recently self diagnosed. I think I have a few unique ones.

I have a million, but I'll just share mine revolving around tobacco:

I smoke on and off. I love/hate it. I can stop fairly easily. I might go threw a pack in 2 days, then not touch them for a couple weeks. I maintain it's not nicotine withdrawal that keeps bring me back, but this OCPD.

1. If I am smoking, I can start at any time of day, but I HAVE to have one after 7 PM.

2. I have to have a caffeinated or alcoholic beverage with the tobacco. Exception: I am at a bar and have to go outside without my drink.

3. If I am drinking alcohol, I need to smoke tobacco. If I am not smoking cigarettes, I have to puff on a pipe (no inhaling).

4. I can drink tea without smoking, but not coffee. Coffee must be iced.

5. If I see old friends, I have to smoke. Usually will jump to cigarettes, the pipe work around doesn't do the trick.

6. If I smoke a pipe, I have to meticulously floss and use a netti pot to remove carcinogens from my mouth and nasal passages.

7. I always quit smoking cigarettes on Monday.

I've broken each of these rules a few times, but it's a crisis of faith when I do. I usually drink some kava and go to bed early so I can just get to the next day.

The real kicker is I am obsessed with health (physical and mental). I have gym and work out rules (have to run 5k in less than 22 minutes and then swim 10 laps) and dental health rules (peroxide rinse and floss every night) and my tobacco rules are in direct competition with them.


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:02 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 9:38 pm
Posts: 1978
bummermetropolis wrote:
my tobacco rules are in direct competition with them.
I relate to this experience though often I'm not at all cognizant of the disparity; either it may be pointed out to me or I see it in retrospect. It's not called OCpd for nothing, the obsessive-compulsive part is huge. I think sometimes my brain creates these ongoing ritualized mental mazes to keep it occupied and distracted from the looming and ever-present existential anxiety.

welcome to the forum! stay open and keep reading & posting.

_________________
'
People do not change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.  ― Freda Lewis-Hall


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2014 5:48 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 11:01 pm
Posts: 7
Francie wrote:
I'm not at all cognizant of the disparity;


I'm so cognizant, it's crippling. I guess better too self aware than not at all.

Luckily, I minimally put expectations on others, and am able to work it out after when I do. Part of my "be better" obsession gets carried over into relationships and I try to fix problems as they develop (which also gets exhausting).

Thank you for the kind words and the welcome.


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 3:51 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:54 pm
Posts: 1217
favasquash wrote:
OCPD_Husband_SoCal wrote:
I have come to believe it is these crazy rules of mine that are at the core of my behavior. I can't stop the reactions completely, but if I don't quit with these insane rules I'll never stop reacting. Some of mine ...

Don't fill the coffee machine the night before, the beans get stale.
Get all the air out of ziplock bags, even if some sealed products intentionally have a bit of air in them.
Don't spray hairspray in the bathroom, it gets on everything.
Don't let water drops sit on the tile counter, because it's not water tight like a swimming pool.
Don't leave the plastic spoon in the pot while cooking, even if it can handle twice the heat.

It's endless, but we can stop ... I hope :)


I would suggest deliberately, willfully breaking every one of these rules.
- Fill the coffee machine every single night. If you're going away for a week's vacation, take the opportunity to fill it before you go so that those beans will sit for a week.
- Close the ziplock bag without pushing on it, so it's all nice and balloon like.
- Walk into the bathroom and squirt the hairspray can, twice, at least twice a day.
- Dribble some water on the counter every morning when you go in (to turn on the already-loaded coffee maker) and leave it there.
- Before you start that already-loaded coffee maker, fill a pot with water, put a spoon in it, and let it simmer until you've finished drinking your coffee.


I know this is an older post, but it was such a lovely how-to on exposure and response prevention (E&RP) that I wanted to comment on it. Exactly this, done relentlessly at every opportunity, is how to get rid of "rules". It's not speedy, especially at first, and the anxiety can be very intense. But it works. Sometimes the trickiest part is identifying what's a rule (because for us the rules are often so ingrained that it's like breathing to follow them). But it can get to a point of almost gleeful abandon. "Take THAT, rule! I have defeated you - muahahahahaha!" One down, eleventy billion three hundred and twelve to go...

_________________
Penguinectomy
This too shall pass.

"Grow or die, baby. Grow or die."

---
Cammer = 66


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 1:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2015 12:54 pm
Posts: 33
- All cups that are not currently in your hands have to be put in the dishwasher - no cups will be allowed on the coffee table or kitchen counter for later use.

- Laundry is to be done when you can fill the washer to the halfway point. All clothes finished drying must be taken out within 2 min of finishing, folded and taken to your room.

- You are not to move around in the bed or let your legs and arms move over the half way point.

- All hugs and sexual advances need to be requested in advance. No surprise affection.

_________________
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.
Married 6+ years
Raising 3 kids together: one his/two mine


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:44 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2015 1:57 pm
Posts: 16
smilingagain wrote:
Here are some of my husband's 'rules'. My husband is allowed to break the rules. I am not.

Never use bathroom fan- it will burn out.
No eating, chewing gum, having breath mints, drinking ice water (water with no ice is okay) in the bedroom
No doing laundry unless it's a full load
Only 2 pillows allowed on my sons bed
Only 1 stuffy in my daughters crib
No more than 2 Tupperware of each size
Thermostat never to be above 69 or below 68.
Must cut banana into little circles- not lengthwise
Must add sauces to food at the end and not near the end
No turning the heat or air up full-blast in the car.
No having soup in a mug - only in a bowl
No baking chicken
No shopping in thrift stores
No downloads on my computer without checking
No watching movies on anything but Netflix
Must cut lawn at least once a week in summer- unless drought
Must pack everything in one bag when travelling
Must not buy kids clothes or shoes a size up
No saving empty plastic bags.
No drinking the final sips of any beverage (only him- 'lets' me do it).
Must check air pressure in tires every time at the gas station.
No leaving anything on the kitchen counter (even things we use frequently like salt).
Must screw lids on tightly and put back in place.
No bibs on my daughter
Always unplug toaster- turning off is insufficient
No laundry or vacuuming when he is home (too noisy), unless it's an emergency (in his opinion)
Must respond immediately to children crying, babbling, shifting- unless it's his turn. In that case, the kids 'need to be independent'.
No cooking something without a recipe.
Sets of furniture belong together in same room- Must not be in different rooms.
Must not
Talk to cold callers or people knocking on the door. Must tell them 'take me off your list'.
Must walk immediately from the mailbox to the garbage to throw out fliers- no putting them on the counter- even for a moment.
Must not stick things on the fridge (they will be discarded)- sometimes exemptions will be given for
Children's artwork if advance permission is sought.
Never buy anything without market research to ensure it's the 'best'.
Must not buy 'sale items', since that are 'on sale for a reason'.
Must not use the bright over head light if he is in the room.
Must always try to make a bargain with salespeople. No attempt to bargain is basically throwing money away.

I basically ignore these rules at this stage- but I don't fight about it. I nod to acknowledge him talking- but then just carry on how
I please. :)

Each one of these rules sounds like a story that happened ; "This one time I did X and something bad happened. X specifically is now no longer allowed!"


-----

- Glasses must be arranged in order of descending weight and grouped by type
- Do NOT touch any shiny surfaces. No touching/breathing near the mirror/glass/toaster/stove
- All objects must be maintained to a state of factory new, even if they arrived damaged
- Must buy two of something so that it won't be obsessed over
- No grains of dirt on any tile surface. (Sweeping x1-x4 a day)
- No water on the sink. It will cause spots.
- No water on the counter. It causes MDF to swell.
- Never set chemical bottles on counters. It can cause chemical rings.
- Forks are never served with bowls, only with plates.
- Papers must never be wrinkled.
- Book bindings must not be cracked. (Essentially, books cannot be read)
- No wasting. Don't throw anything away. Spoiled food must be kept regardless of growth until it smells the refrigerator.


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2015 10:29 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:37 pm
Posts: 675
1. The defrost function on the microwave must not be used under any circumstances

2. All recyclable stuff , cardboard,cans etc goes into a bag in the middle of the kitchen .
2a. The bag shall be deemed full when she my SO says so. Despite it being a hazard to walk past, ie trip over.
2b There is actually no limit on how much stuff goes in the bag , when I start tripping over it, the bag goes in the trash.

_________________
"You can have Excuses or Results not Both"


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2015 5:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:37 pm
Posts: 675
The dog bowl must not be overfilled with biscuits as the large quantity will put the dog off eating any of them :shock:

_________________
"You can have Excuses or Results not Both"


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 Post subject: Re: crazy rules
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 24, 2016 1:44 pm
Posts: 4
I just joined the forum - so I know this is late. I wanted to post on this one though!

1. Must shake out and perfectly straighten the bed sheets, blanket, comforter, etc. every night before getting into bed (even if DW is sleeping already)!
2. The "sides" of the bed are set in stone. He gets the right side no matter what, even in hotels, guest rooms, camping etc..
3. Owners manuals must be completely read cover to cover prior to installing/using/assembling item.
4. The lint trap MUST be emptied each time the dryer is used (this rule doesn't apply to him though)
5. The kitchen stainless prep table must be completely clear of all items - requires klorox wipe down once items are removed.
6. Cannot be late to any event that has high stranger visibility such as volunteer school functions - but DW's family events don't matter.
7. All activities MUST be recorded in the google calendar, preferably 2 weeks in advance, or they are not acknowledged.
8. All clothing must be ironed prior to wearing, even work t-shirts
9. Last minute outings, plan changes are not allowed. Require 24-48 hours notice in advanced and it may not be approved.


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