As More-Freedom said, if you lower your expectations, you'll be less disappointed.
I'm sorry but it's quite sad to have no expectations whatsoever for ANY emotional support from your husband. Keep in mind that the issue is not your expectations. The problem is not your emotional needs. Your needs are perfectly reasonable - what is sadly unreasonable is to expect consistent emotional support of any kind from someone with OCPD (especially when you are in a time of great need). The fact that you have emotional needs for support from your partner is natural and normal. You will not be able to erase them, so please don't try. Why would you deny your needs?
Fortunately, this was not at all what was suggested. Nons have practically no control over the difficulty that OCPDers have with empathy (emotional and/or intellectual), but we can regulate our dispiriting reactions to this by managing our expectations more effectively. As CBT techniques teach us, it is moving in degrees from a worse place to a better place. It's emerging from the FOG. It's looking from a position of entrenchment (our unreasonable expectations of the OCPDer) to re-grouping in a more advantageous location. It's not about denying/erasing your needs, it's about accepting the reality and determining more objectively how they can be met.
Oh my god that is funny...
Sounds just like her.. the OCPD. INTJ woman that I love
I mean, from the way he acts he could be thinking anything from "Please go away so I can get back to my book" to "That's terrible news!" Last night I was exhausted and telling him (briefly, I know he doesn't like long stories) about the latest little mess and got nothing from him except a frowny face. How do I do this?
Keep in mind that many introverts are prone to having blank stares, especially Thinker (non-Feeler) types who don't relate well to emotions, even we Nons.
The behavior your describing is very damaging; very negating, and very demoralizing. Don't go along with it. Also (edit) do not tell yourself that it's because he's an introvert. This is not an issue of introversion -- neither yours nor his.
Again, not at all what was suggested. It's understanding that we cannot know what the other person is thinking merely by their facial expression. What from this thread are you saying is damaging/negating/demoralizing that shouldn't go along with? We're talking about a blank stare which for us introverted thinkers is a bit of a default expression when processing complex (i.e., unplanned for OCPDers) news/information. It would be difficult (though not impossible) to "train" an OCPDer to feign an appropriate face. A furrowed brow? A hopeful smile? A quizzical look to the ceiling while stroking his imaginary goatee or Vulcan ears muttering "hmmm, vely intelesting" or "fascinating", respectively?
The concept I'm wanting to bring out, hopefully with humor, is that we Nons too can get caught up in the FOGgy Shoulds, Mind-Reading, and Emotional Reasoning. I know that I did, but once I emerged from FOG, partially by understanding the underlying personality types of me and DW, I obtained a much better handle on what I was willing and able to live with (or have augmented from others like friends/siblings) and what I am not. I agree with many (if not all) of the principles you're bringing out, and am offering my experience as insights that might help reactions to the Blank Stare (or the more emotionally triggering "Cold-Hearted and Calculating" descriptor). We INTJs are known for having the "Death Stare" which can mean anything from "Eat $#%+ and Die!" to "Are there any instances in real life where I've used the square root of minus one? Hey, I could I change the lyrics of Atlanta Rhythm Section's "Imaginary Lover" to "Imaginary Number" to help DS remember the algebraic rules for his test!" And, yes, I have done both using basically the same facial expression. DW used to speculate (negatively) on such looks, but we are communicating more openly now to avoid misconceptions.