Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Thu May 15, 2014 2:51 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
WOW! And here I thought I was the only one who had a problem with the laundry and the dishes!

In my late 30s circumstances forced me and my children to have to go stay with OCPD mom and EF(enabling father) for about 4 months. While there many OCPD things cropped up, but I did not know OCPD was what I was dealing with…I just knew that my mother was DRIVING ME CRAZY with all of her fussing.

Day 2 of my 4 month long ordeal: I try to help load dishes into the dishwasher after dinner. OCPD mom is washing all the dishes perfectly in the sink before handing them to me to put into the dishwasher. As I put in a dish, I am told "No, like this," or "That one needs to go there…" Fuss, fuss, fuss. After about the 4-5th dish and being told EXACTLY how to load the dishes. I loose patience. Then EF comes over and takes over the task because he can tell that I am about to blow. I decided right then and there that I was not going to do another dinner dish in that house if I was going to be told how to place each and every dish in the washer to make OCPD mom happy. I didn't either…not one dish for dinner. I helped cook and clean and took care of my breakfast, and lunch plates and those of my kids, but I REFUSED to do dinner dishes under the eagle eye of the dish nazi.

Day 3 of my 4 month long ordeal: I go to do a load of laundry. OCPD mom follows me in to the laundry room. I have a sizable load of laundry and I am picking out the darks to put in the machine. I fill it about half full. I set the load to medium. OCPD mom says "That's a LARGE LOAD!" I said "It's fine mom." She repeats more loudly "IT'S A LARGE LOAD!" I think I said something like "It will be okay…it is not that full." (It wasn't) Then OCPD mom yells "IT'S MY MACHINE!!!! and stomps from the room. I'm at "what in the world is wrong with her!? It's just laundry!? (At this point I had been married and living with my husband for the last 15+ years, so we only saw each other infrequently, but apparently my being in her space was enough to send her off the deep end.) The next day I ask her about her reaction and she says "I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BREAK MY MACHINE!!!!" Yeah, I had been doing laundry for almost 35 years at that point, and I NEVER have broken a dishwasher or a washing machine.

The rest of the 4 months we were there, something happened EVERY BLEEPIN' DAY. I was a wreck. My hair started to fall out from the stress, my stomach hurt a lot. My DH who wasn't with us had to listen to me rant about the crazy. It was horrible; and at that time I did not have a name to call this type of behavior. My mom has always exhibited this behavior, but when you grow up and move away and then come back and have to experience it again after living a normal life…it is like being send on a roller coaster ride into Crazy town.

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 6:49 am 
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Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 8:33 am
Posts: 320
As with most chores, my DW rarely has the time (lots of time for the IPad though) to do the laundry. But when she does, everything has to go through the spin cycle at least twice before being put in the drier. Nothing must go in the drier until a manual spin cycle has been initiated and completed just before drying commences. End of. Even if it has already been spun. Oh, and don't put too much powder in the washer, but be sure to put in just enough.

Biggest issue when it comes to laundry is hanging things out on the line. If it's not raining clothes MUST be hung out on the line so as not to waste elecetricity using the drier, unless there is a smell in the air, then (after a long rant anout how inconsiderate EVERYONE is causing smoke and smells that ruin our clothes) they must go in the drier. But pegging things on the line....I stay well away from that now. When I used to do it, I'd get the "what are you doing? When have you EVER seen me hang something like that" speach. Particular items have to hung in a particular way, the peg has to touch it in just the right place and be attached in a certain way.... else there will be 'peg marks' in the clothes or tiny damp patches under where the peg grips the item. Oh, don't forget to wipe the line down a couple of times first in case it's dirty.

Needless to say, I keep well away when there are laundry activities afoot.

On the subject of the toasters....yes, it must always be unplugged. My DWs OCPD mother is worse though. EVERYTHING has to be unplugged in their house. Even the TV must be switched off and unplugged when not in use. The VCR, the cooker, a charging phone, you name it. That reminds me, my DW insists that the TV MUST be switched off via the remote control BEFORE being turned off with the button on the front. Otherwise it will blow up apparently.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 11:34 am 
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Joined: Sat May 10, 2014 7:38 pm
Posts: 329
Location: PNW
Thinice,

I think you just gave me a look into my dad's life with OCPD mom. She had always complained that he doesn't "DO MUCH" around the house, but Lord, how can he? When every day is fuss, fuss, fuss…"You're doing it WRONG!" i.e. not MY WAY!. I am positive that he is just beaten down by her never-ending demands. Who would want to do any sort of task and help out if they were going to be harassed and criticized the entire time. I've had my run-ins with OCPD mom and it annoys the blankety-blank out of me. Luckily for me I haven't really lived there for 18 years…the four month thing was an aberration…I cannot imagine what I would be like if I had been stuck there like my dad with OCPD mom for over 40 years….

_________________
--Escee

Key:
EF--enabling father
ES--enabling sister
FOO--Family of origin
Flying Monkey-- A person who is sent out by the OCPD-er to guilt, harass and hoover you by proxy for the OCPD-er's benefit.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2014 1:32 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
irishgirl wrote:
Anyone else got this one? You know how it says on the detergent package how many washes it should do - my husband keeps a tally on the back of the package (using a white sticky label to write on if necessary) to show how many washes it actually did! Who actually cares? When it's done, it's done! He also insists on buying the cheapest detergent he can find and I am not allowed to do the laundry in case i use too much. He expects two loads a week to be enough- one dark and one light - for a family of four!
Also the dishwasher - I am not allowed to put large dishes or pots and pans in the dishwaser because it's a waste of space. :lol: They have to be done by hand.



We have the pots and pans issue here too! They are "space eaters", lol! Oh and one towel :o wip the inside and an older towel that is almost ready for the wash to do the outside. But niw that our gate to the doqnstairs is broken, we dont have access to that second towel. Frankly, I dont even remember why we had a second towel :?


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2014 3:30 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:22 pm
Posts: 3
This thread was very enlightening. Last summer I had a huge run in with my MIL and since then, through this board and another, I finally figured out what was really wrong with HER! The laundry thing was just one of many crazy behaviors. At her house, a house guest is REQUIRED to only use a towel and washcloth once. If you finish the shower and don't bring the "soiled" linen to the laundry room right away, she's in the bathroom changing it out for you. Most of the time, I would remember to cart it down) the laundry as soon as I could. Clothing in the closets is all hung in orderly fashion with dry cleaner plastic over every garment. Doing a load of laundry requires 1) First turning on the hot water faucet at the sink closest to the machine so that when you begin the cycle, it gets hot water from the get go. 2) of course everything is to be sorted and measured out perfectly 3) clothes are turned inside out for the wash and sometimes the hanging 4) Must rinse out the laundry soap cap before returning to it's place in the cupboard on little square piece of paper towel 5) Do the same thing for the fabric softener, which must be Downy brand, no others allowed 6) Hang practically everything and then air fluff once it dry...takes forever as she lives in a humid climate 7) Spend good portion of day doing laundry instead of going out with visiting family for fun activities.

Of course there are more behaviors for the kitchen, garage, living room, driving, etc.. The bottom line is that it interferes with her relationships since we are held to the same standard she holds for herself, which is insane.


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