Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:32 pm 
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Posts: 75
After 14 years of marriage I have finally reached the point that I can no longer tolerate the way life is with my OCPDer husband. My self esteem is shot and I can no longer continue to argue with him about things that are so crazy! I did pick up a tip from a friend that has helped just a bit recently that when he tells me I need to do this / that, I just say yep your right. I don't give him a date, time or when I will do it - just that I agree I need to do it. This has kind of thrown him for a loop and shut him off but again, I feel as if I need to answer for what I have done / do and why. It is getting so bad lately, he even is asking what I will eat for dinner (he works 2nd shift) - like a grown woman can't make a decision herself - and help me if it is something that he doesn't approve of (we all like a quick hamburger every couple of months). If he didn't get the answer from me, he will go searching the garbage to see if he can figure it out - and then tell me how awful it was what I ate. Now in the past, I have gone as far as making sure i throw away the "evidence", maybe eating in the car so I can discard it in the parking lot trash can - but I have gotten to the point that I should not need to hide what I do or want. I understand he has issues with certain things and I even go as far as respect his limitations and perfectionist ways - - as long as he doesn't put those on me - - which has become impossible lately.
I am now seeking counseling - and can not wait for my appointment later this week. I feel though that I have waited too long. That I no longer feel that I can try to "work" at trying to balance our home life and make adjustments for him. Unfortunately, I have given it my "all" to no avail and as stated previously, it is not enough and there is always something else wrong. I wish I could have it in me to keep trying but just don't know if I can. I am mentally and physically exhausted from trying to please this man and tired of feeling an empty void of being unloved. From verbal abuse to even the lack of love shown physically and through gifts, a person can only go without so long. It pains me to realize it and even though it is not written here that most end in divorce, I have not read of any that "live with it" for long.

Thank you all for your posts, they are helpful and healing knowing I am not alone - - nor am I crazy. I think I just tried for so many years to please this person and work in every possible way to "try" to make him happy - when really only he can make himself happy.

Any / all feedback is welcome.

Warmest Regards,
Debi


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:47 am 
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Posts: 988
Hi Debi,

Welcome on board, it certainly is the right place to get the right perspective on your relationship. I actually stayed in my marriage for 34 years, so it is possible to survive OCPD - but now I am out. Check out http://www.perfectlyawful.net/PA-FAQ_s.pdf, it helps to set some clear lines.

You may want to create a new post for your story, so that it does not get mixed up with LTOM's line of story...


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:09 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:17 pm
Posts: 1935
Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
This post continues with Living With the Obsessive: 6 - Foster Your Own Self-Esteem and Independence from Chapter Ten.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.

When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992. If you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

Quote:
6 - Foster Your Own Self-Esteem and Independence

Many obsessives hate to be dependent upon anything or anyone; they equate dependency with vulnerability. Unconsciously they feel that allowing their lives to revolve around another person would leave them open to utter devastation - should the other person turn against them, for example, or stop loving them, or even die. As a result, most don't let themselves depend too heavily even upon their closest friends and lovers.

<snip> For one thing, if you've made yourself completely dependent upon him, the obsessive may feel that you've imposed on him the frightening or burdensome responsibility of being absolutely indispensable to your emotional well-being. Given his need for a sense of options and freedom, this may both frighten and anger him.

<snip>Another aspect of being emotionally dependent on a relationship is that your sense of worth comes to rely upon feedback from the other person. Even minor variations in that feedback may cause your self-esteem and sense of security to plunge or soar. You're really setting yourself up for emotional turbulence if you rely too heavily upon approval or praise from some obsessives, because they aren't particularly good at expressing these things. Remember: their style of perception is to notice and be bothered by what's not right with things. And their need to guard their emotions may make it hard for them to show positive feelings or appreciation.

<snip> Start by trying to rediscover who you are - who you were before you met the other person. Work on developing separate interests and then pursue them vigorously, just as you would have if you had not become involved at this time. Strive to become a whole person, independent of any relationship.

As you struggle to establish your separate self, feelings of anxiety and insecurity may assail you. You may feel empty or isolated at first. You may worry that you are jeopardizing the relationship by not paying it enough attention. Fight these feelings! Try to act as if you felt strong and safe. Don't let the other person get the idea that your happiness or security depends entirely upon reassurance from him or her. More important, don't you accept that notion as unalterable or true, because it isn't.

What is true is that at some point your friend or lover could decide to end the relationship, and you have no control over that. Throughout this book, I've discussed self-defeating aspects of the obsessive's need for complete control. The same dynamic applies to you. The more you attempt to mold your relationship, the more vigilantly you watch over it, the more likely you are to poison it. In some respects, the commitment-fearing obsessive is like a cat: most likely to remain close to you when you're absorbed in your own interests and to scoot away when you embrace it too vigorously.

Learn to accept the fact that any relationship could end. Find a way to resign yourself to that possibility. It's true that it would be extremely painful, but in the vast majority of cases, that pain is temporary. Don't think for a moment that you couldn't get through it. You could. And just as you have before, you would eventually find happiness with someone else.

Strive to become a whole person, independent of any relationship. To me, this is the key sentence of the entire book, for partners, children, siblings, and co-workers of a Perfectionist Personality. (Though you need to read the entire book to "get" the full picture of why obsessives behave as they do, and why hoovering and being enmeshed doesn't make things better, but instead is gasoline on the fire.)

No matter how much time, energy, and effort you pour into a relationship, you yourself can't fix it. What you can do is make things better for yourself, rediscover who you are.

Maybe you liked to paint, or bake bread, or carve wood, and were dissuaded, over time, because your partner was dismayed by the mess. Reclaim that hobby. Maybe you used to meet once a week with friends to discuss reading or writing, and gave it up because you were tired of coming home to World War Three. (I know I did.) Put it back on your schedule. Maybe you love exploring local museums and gardens - get a friend, or go on your own, if your partner hates that kind of thing.

It will be hard. You will get blowback, Your partner may pout, throw tantrums, or try to sabotage your efforts to reclaim your soul. Do it anyway.

Eventually they may see that no matter what they say or do, you're going to go for coffee with your girlfriends on Thursday nights, or spend Saturday mornings working on your classic car - whatever YOUR "thing" is, as long as you still leave time for family activities (don't go overboard and spend all your time on you), they have no grounds to complain. They will probably complain anyway, and it will be hard, and you will feel exhausted at first, but over time, you will feel the abandoned garden of your life sprouting roses again.

Remember not to JADE: Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. It is enough to tell your partner, "Honey, I've decided to rejoin my Sunday night writers' group, starting this weekend. I'll be leaving at 6:30 on those nights and home around 10:30."

"Why? "

"Because I want to."

"But we usually spend Sunday nights watching TV. I guess you don't love me anymore, if you don't want to spend any time together. And how will you ever be ready for work on Monday morning when you're out partying with your friends till late Sunday night?"

"Hon? Love you, done talking about this."

"But-"

"Done. Talking."

Did I mention it will be hard? The enmeshment probably happened slowly, gradually, and now it is as deep-rooted as ivy that has choked off every inch of the garden. You might not feel like you know who "you" are, anymore, but whatever roles you fill: daughter, sister, aunt, mother, wife, friend, co-worker - you are MORE than that. You need to tap down to the root of you, water and fertilize it.

As mentioned in Too Perfect, if you depend upon a person who's hard-wired to notice flaws, to notice and compliment all your good qualities, you are doomed to disappointment. You must find a way to fill yourself up, separate and apart from your interactions with that person, no matter who s/he is or how long your relationship has lasted (if it's a parent, it's been your whole life).

If you reclaim you, your relationship may survive; it may improve, or it may end. But if your relationship is built upon you killing and sacrificing everything you love to do, everything that feeds your soul and makes you feel good about yourself, then are "you" really in that relationship, anyway?

Your thoughts?

_________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
OCPD SO info: http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 12:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:17 pm
Posts: 1935
Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
This post continues with Living With the Obsessive: 7 - Reinforce Positive Changes - But Do It Sensitively from Chapter Ten.

This series looks at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.


When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992. If you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

Quote:
7 - Reinforce Positive Changes - But Do It Sensitively

<snip> If your spouse, parent, co-worker or friend does begin to behave less obsessively, you need to realize that this is a real accomplishment that shows not only strength and courage, but a commitment to making your relationship better. Often it's an act of love.

<snip> Drawing attention to changes in the obsessive may make him uneasy. For one thing, he may still feel tentative about the changes, and too blatant an acknowledgment of them may make him feel more committed to maintaining them than he can tolerate.

You must also consider the impact of the obsessive's all-or-nothing thinking. If you react too strongly to the slightest improvement (if, for example, he comes home from work an hour earlier than usual), he may fear that you'll expect him to do it every night. If you comment favorably on his decreased demands for orderliness, again his anxiety might rise. He may think that now you'll expect him to change still more, and he may dig in his heels. <snip>

You'll probably do better to reinforce behavioral improvements in only the most subtle, gentle ways. Effective reinforcers vary from one person to another. Most people like such things as affection, praise, or sex, but not everyone. Some respond best to silence, food, or even distances. You have to tune into your obsessive and discern his or her specific reinforcers.

<snip> she identified some of her own behaviors that were pushing David away - pouncing gleefully upon any signs that he was leaning toward a stronger commitment, for instance. Instead Barbara learned to make little or no fuss when he showed signs of moving closer to her. In fact, she would redouble her efforts to maintain her own separate interests (as hard as that was for her initially).

<snip> She found that the more independence she achieved and the more fulfilled she became by her own separate interests, the stronger she became. Her mental picture of herself, who she was meant to be, became clearer and more cohesive. She also was more certain of what she wanted and didn't want, and about what she would and would not tolerate from David. Ultimately she felt more capable of taking care of herself should the relationship end. But that didn't happen. With less pressure on him, David became more comfortable with intimacy and with spending more time together. Eventually he was able to commit himself to engagement and finally marriage. His basic personality type didn't change; he remained fairly obsessive, while Barbara was not particularly so. Yet they were able to enrich both their lives by being together.


Some people have compared winning over an obsessive to courting a cat - I would go a step further and say it's like winning over a feral cat. Move too quickly, slobber over it too much, or try to drag it into your lap, and it's going to scram in the opposite direction, possibly after shredding you like a wheel of cheese as it exits. Ignore it, and it may come check you out.

I've blogged before about my mistake in praising a specific meal my ex made too highly; something he made at least 2-3 times each month in the first two years we lived together. My birthday was coming up, and he asked what I would like for dinner that night; I named that dish, and went into too much detail about how much I liked it, and how well he made it. Demand-resistance kicked in; not only did he have excuses as to why he couldn't make it for me for my birthday, but in the following four years we lived together, he never made that meal again.

If you want sex, or physical affection, you might have to play hard to get, because the "normal" interactions of touching shoulders, arms, hands, etc., again may wake demand-sensitivity or demand resistance. If a hoarder cleans out a drawer, a brief acknowledgment is probably better than excessive praise or discussion of when the next twenty drawers will be addressed.

If you want a "normal" relationship, you will not have one with an un- or undertreated obsessive person. You will always have to move slowly, carefully, and sensitively, aware that s/he may take your foibles personally, and trying to keep in mind that hers or his foibles probably aren't personal.

I'm a "cat" person (though I like dogs, too). I've had many, over the years (though maximum of three at the same time; I'm not a crazy cat person). One cat I had nearly her entire life, from an eight-week kitten to when she died of thyroid disease at 15. In that entire time, she crawled into my lap maybe three times. She was super-shy and skittish with people, that was her temperament (though she got along fine with the other cat). There were times I barely saw her except at mealtimes, and if startled, I might not see her even at mealtimes for days. In her last three years, when she was in an affectionate mood, she might jump onto my bed and sleep at my feet, or curl up next to me when I was watching TV or crafting. I don't think she ever did the I-love-you/feed-me ankle-rub trick that most cats do.

That worked fine for me, with that cat. She was my cat, not an intimate partner. But I did want more, in an intimate partner. I wanted to not always have to be on guard, to not always be bandaging my scratches, to be able to give and receive affection freely and without reservation. To be able to compliment a meal without worrying whether I had praised it/him too much and thus stressed him out with my unspoken expectations.

My ex couldn't give me what I needed in a relationship, although he did and does have many wonderful qualities. If you love an obsessive person, s/he may not be as extreme as my ex was - or might be even more so. You may not be as hurt or troubled by the behaviors as I was. So your relationship may work fine.

Keep in mind, though, that all the work and love and patience and understanding in the world will not change a feral cat into a lap cat - and certainly won't change her/him into a tail-wagging, always happy-to-see-you isn't-my-master-wonderful dog. Change yourself, first, as Barbara did, and many of us have learned the hard way. Learn to be independent and how to maintain good boundaries, and then, from that viewpoint, you can more easily discern if the relationship is worth keeping, or whether you need to move on.

Your thoughts?

_________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
OCPD SO info: http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 3:27 pm 
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LovethatOCPDMan wrote:
That worked fine for me, with that cat. She was my cat, not an intimate partner. But I did want more, in an intimate partner. I wanted to not always have to be on guard, to not always be bandaging my scratches, to be able to give and receive affection freely and without reservation. To be able to compliment a meal without worrying whether I had praised it/him too much and thus stressed him out with my unspoken expectations.

My ex couldn't give me what I needed in a relationship, although he did and does have many wonderful qualities. If you love an obsessive person, s/he may not be as extreme as my ex was - or might be even more so. You may not be as hurt or troubled by the behaviors as I was. So your relationship may work fine.

Keep in mind, though, that all the work and love and patience and understanding in the world will not change a feral cat into a lap cat - and certainly won't change her/him into a tail-wagging, always happy-to-see-you isn't-my-master-wonderful dog. Change yourself, first, as Barbara did, and many of us have learned the hard way. Learn to be independent and how to maintain good boundaries, and then, from that viewpoint, you can more easily discern if the relationship is worth keeping, or whether you need to move on.

Your thoughts?


While I appreciate you insights about sensitivity in dealing with an obsessive I'm not sure the feral cat analogy isn't somewhat simplistic and dehumanizing. That it would never be a domesticated dog seems obvious but mixes metaphors. It sounds like you imply dogs are superior to domestic cats which are better than a feral cat. I can understand that if you look at what's most useful or pleasurable as a pet.
Sounds pragmatic and utilitarian. Is that the only value of a relationship? It's only of value if it works.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not personally offended by the feral cat comparison. But my point is a feral cat is genetically a domestic cat. Cats is cats. I just see something different in Mallinger's perspective. But he is a professional and would likely see far more similarities than differences, variations on a theme of human personality as opposed to the differences between cats, dogs and humans.

I'll switch metaphors: apples and oranges

Maybe calling some presentations of the human personality "oranges" when they may be a rare variety of apples one doesn't recognize diminishes our experiences. If you only see an apple as the big red hybrid sold at the grocery store, a variety selected for their sugar content, able to be kept in cold storage for months, picked early, waxed for eye appeal , etc. you may miss the great variety of biodiversity in the natural order, like a small green crabapple from the Asian steppes. A gourmet cook may see the latter as very desirable. I think one could apply the metaphor to relationships as well, especially when one speaks of a "normal" relationship.

Who knows, considering the variety and origin of apples may even lead one to contemplate the beauty of a rose.


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 7:18 pm 
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Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
Well, my sister once had a rescue dog who was terrified of loud noises, if you clapped your hands around him he'd dive under a bed like nobody's business, and forget about seeing hide or hair of him around July 4. (Besides, if you saw the post on the site you'd see the cute cat pics.)

I love apples, just sayin. And dogs, and cats, and rats. Not big on scaly critters like snakes or fish though.

I think a relationship "works" if both parties can get their needs met, most of the time. Whether that relationship is department store/shopper, boyfriend/girlfriend, coworkers, neighbors, etc. If only one side is getting its needs met, and the other is not, or if neither is getting its needs met, and there's no prospect of communication occurring and the needs getting met, it's not a good relationship.

_________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
OCPD SO info: http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:44 am 
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LovethatOCPDMan wrote:
Well, my sister once had a rescue dog who was terrified of loud noises, if you clapped your hands around him he'd dive under a bed like nobody's business, and forget about seeing hide or hair of him around July 4. (Besides, if you saw the post on the site you'd see the cute cat pics.)

I love apples, just sayin. And dogs, and cats, and rats. Not big on scaly critters like snakes or fish though.

I think a relationship "works" if both parties can get their needs met, most of the time. Whether that relationship is department store/shopper, boyfriend/girlfriend, coworkers, neighbors, etc. If only one side is getting its needs met, and the other is not, or if neither is getting its needs met, and there's no prospect of communication occurring and the needs getting met, it's not a good relationship.


OK, i'll go with your dog metaphor.
When you take home a rescue dog and you learn he's terrified of loud noises you have a choice, take him back to the pound or accept his limitation. I assume your sister made some sort of commitment with the dog, i.e. he's "mine", getting his shots and license, etc , accepting the responsibility of relationship. That would include his phobia of loud noises.

If she finds out that most other dogs aren't terrified of loud noises, and she feels her dog is defective, she may want out of the unhappy relationship. Rather than a disappointing experience with the dog, she may decide other experiences are more appealing. If she starts a girl band and takes up the drums in the garage he would predictably run away or bite someone. If she buys a new puppy from a AKA breeder, she may get exactly what she's looking for.

Of she could try to work to desensitize the dog slowly , limit his exposure to loud noises, and accept an different dog relationship than most people have. Kind of like your sensitive cat of many years. Not ideal, not the hoped for dog/man realtionship, but perhaps not without personal value and relational merit.

Unless you find your dog at the Westminister dog show I think most of us have some less than champion attributes. I for one appreciate rescue and redemption whether I'm a damaged dog or a human being. I may never show well or win best of breed. I may be hard to train or even get the mange, but I might also be a protective, loyal, and devoted companion, even if I do snarl or snap when I'm afraid.


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 2:41 am 
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Quote:
Yet they were able to enrich both their lives by being together.
I think it's quite difficult to delineate in general what makes for a good relationship, but this line from the book appeals to me.

I think that illustrative metaphors like the one you use can be helpful, but they do have their limits. They're based on comparing something unfamiliar to something known, so that we might get some sense of that unfamiliar. But that sense then is limited because it's based on something we already know. How do we expand our known parameters, such as with experiences that might enrich our lives, but are as yet unfamiliar to us in any form?

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People do not change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.  ― Freda Lewis-Hall


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 12:06 pm 
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Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
This post concludes with the Epilogue.

This series has looked at a small snippet of The book on the Perfectionist Personality, aka The Obsessive Compulsive disordered Personality, aka OCPD, each week. Please follow along, leave your comments, engage more on the FaceBook website... whatever your heart calls you to do.


When Being in Control Gets Out of Control by Allan E. Mallinger, M.D. and Jeanette DeWyze was published by Random House in 1992. If you believe you are dealing with OCPD or someone who is "Too Perfect," whether that's you or a loved one, please buy a copy of the book and read it for additional insights that will not all be covered in these excerpts.

Quote:
Epilogue

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. ~Mark Twain

In summary, the obsessive personality style is a system of many normal traits, all aiming toward a common goal: safety and security via alertness, reason, and mastery. In rational and flexible doses, obsessive traits usually favor not only survival, but success and admiration, as well.

The downside is that you can have too much of a good thing. You are bound for serious difficulties if your obsessive qualities serve not the simple goals of wise, competent, and enjoyable living, but an unrelenting need for fail-safe protection against the vulnerability inherent in being human. <snip>

<snip> The single most important step is one you can take right now: acknowledge that the source of much of your unhappiness may not be your boss, the state of the economy, your spouse's shortcomings, but something within you! Acknowledge that the main obstacles to feeling fulfilled in your relationships, work, or leisure (if you have any) may be such things as your perfectionism, workaholism, rigidity, and other overdeveloped obsessive characteristics.

<snip> ...please understand that this book [nor this blog] is not a substitute for therapy with a competent professional. <snip> With or without professional assistance, your most important means to progress will be, quite simply, sustained hard work. But then that's your strong suit, isn't it?

Is it difficult to find a therapist who understands OCPD/Anankastic Personality Disorder? Yes. Many, many mental health professionals have never even heard of such a beastie, or confuse it with OCD. Here's one true story, from this board:

Quote:
My DH was diagnosed by a neuro-psychiatrist. He had extensive bloodwork, CT scan, several days of urine collection, significant assessment type "tests", and even his mother had to respond to a lot of questions about what he was like as a child. Even with all of that, he was diagnosed with OCD. It wasn't until I joined his yearly psychiatrist visits that I raised the issue of OCPD and the doctor concurred.

It seems very difficult to determine OCPD unless someone close to the patient (in his inner circle) is able to answer many questions regarding the treatment they receive and observe on a daily basis. My experience has been that DH thinks he is wonderful and would never consider himself an arrogant, nasty, obnoxious person (at times) with underlying anger with almost constant anxiety and intermittent depression.

It's frustrating, trying to find a professional who can help you, who understands that OCPD is not OCD, but it is worth the effort. Even if the mental health professional doesn't know or understand the condition, yet, it is still possible that s/he may have some effective strategies that make life a little easier. For the partner or child of an affected person - go, go go!

I think counseling saved my life, certainly my sanity, during a time when I was losing it. I don't mean to denigrate the efforts of friends and family - they are invaluable as a support system.

Yet sometimes there are things we don't want to tell them, out of fear/shame, or just not wanting our (perhaps dysfunctional) family all up in our business. We might tell less than is helpful - because we don't want to be judged and scolded, or because we don't want them to hate our partner. Likewise our friends. If our situation is so painful, they don't "get" why we don't leave. Or they offer suggestions that might work - when both people are "normal." Things like "Just be patient," or "Go ahead and let him/her have his way," which Does Not Work when one partner in the relationship is dysfunctional.

They also tend to take our side, whereas a good mental professional will call us on our sh-t - and sometimes, we need a neutral referee to tell us, "You blew it there." To help us through the exercises we need to become healthier in our interactions.

Let me reiterate - just because we might have an OCPD partner/parent/child/co-worker, does not mean that WE don't have our own hot messes that need attention. So good therapy is essential for getting our own house(s) in order.

But if you are one of those people who is constantly irritated by an effed-up world that never does things The Right Way or up to your (extremely high and admirable) standards, if you believe your way of thinking is (always) a gift and you are surrounded by stupid, lazy people, you would be well served by seeking therapy with as open a mind as you can manage.

None of us have to live with constant emotional pain. Discomfort, sometimes, sure. Pain, no.

You deserve better. Go get it.
Your thoughts?

_________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
OCPD SO info: http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Too Perfect Tuesdays
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:19 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 2:39 pm
Posts: 256
wow, I mean I didn't know about OCPD until I realized just a few short weeks ago that my behavior was wrong and problematic and started looking for what could be causing my apparent blindness to my apparent issues. I trusted my wife, but I was arguing with her, so I must have been missing Something. Once I hit google I was instantly presented with a huge amount of data, some showing this is the second most prevalent personality disorder behind only borderline disorder.

The fact that you had to introduce a therapist to this condition is alarming imo.

_________________
Middle-Aged Husband Father OCPD'r Able-to-Change
Cramer : 72
Too Perfect : Buku Yes's
Al Bernstein: 13


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