Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:10 pm
Posts: 228
Toaster

Our toaster had to be put away immediately after use. Very little could be left out on counters.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:17 pm
Posts: 1935
Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
After using the toaster, one must not only unplug, but clean out the crumb trap, shake upside down over the sink to remove any loose crumbs...

We have joked here before that if we ever had an OCPD & partners convention, we'd want two walls set with toasters & plugs. The partners could go plug 'em all in, then the OCPD'rs could race over to that wall to UNplug them while the partners were meanwhile plugging 'em in on the opposite wall :lol:

This is why I've set a plugged in toaster as the favicon (the little picture that shows to the left of the blog name in browser tabs) for the blog;http://perfectlyawfulusa.blogspot.com/ and on my business card for it, there's the picture of the toaster and the phrase, Remember the Toaster! (As in, remember the Alamo!)

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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 8:51 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:10 pm
Posts: 228
Thanks for the laugh, LTOM!

We could think of all kinds of events for a convention! Maybe it would be cathartic for everyone!


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 1:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:26 pm
Posts: 939
Location: Southeast US
We went through most of the usual complaints, mixed colors, too full, wet stuff left in the washer too long, and failing to rinse the detergent cap.

As it now stands (20 years +) I do my own and only get complaints when I have something blodked when she needs it.

Did hear about the overloading for a couple of minutes when the agitatior dogs broke.

Will comment on the dishes from the dishwasher though. Clean ones must go on the bottom to equalize the wear. Only when she unloads.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 6:05 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2012 8:52 pm
Posts: 8
This is so interesting. I can never get the laundry right. I hear about the consequences of overloading, the washer doesn't get the clothes clean enough, and I can never, ever hang them right. I thought it was just me and my sloppy ways!!! :o


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:35 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:38 am
Posts: 76
I wish it didn't take me so long to figure out that it wasn't "just me". There were times when I was convinced he was deliberately trying to drive me insane because there was no possible way that anyone should be living with that much abusive behavior. Our laundry issues started when we bought a house and had our own washing machine for the first time.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:27 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:47 am
Posts: 75
I get the rinsing of the cup - certainly the mix of the colors was a big one. Drying has to be managed very closely. A quick light dry - then maybe 10 air dry cycles. Of course, there are drying racks that are perfectly laid out -- then the whole inside-out thing that I wrote as I started this thread. Before I knew these were OCPD traits, I thought I was just stupid and inattentive. It's great to know I'm not alone.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:36 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:38 am
Posts: 76
MY ex did not seem to be so OCD about the process but more about controlling me. He stuffed all his wash into one big wash. Maybe he objected that I separated it. or how much time I was spending rather than doing other things he thought should be done. or how much the detergent cost? Oh and I lost too many of his socks because of my incompetence. If someone wanted to do my wash I would kiss their feet.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:16 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 3:28 pm
Posts: 41
confusion wrote:
Whatever the task, the more complicated he could make it the better, I think it soothed him somehow.


Wow. Same thing at our house. Took me several years to figure this out. But why would the complexity be soothing?


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 11:59 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:38 am
Posts: 76
Because the complexity increases the anxiety and they need to live in an anxious state. The state of anxiety is what is known and comforting and soothing to them. Not sure if it is a chemical issue or just preference.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:15 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 9:38 pm
Posts: 1978
Brooklyn wrote:
confusion wrote:
Whatever the task, the more complicated he could make it the better, I think it soothed him somehow.
Wow. Same thing at our house. Took me several years to figure this out. But why would the complexity be soothing?
well... here's a go based on my experience and what I've learned from reading about obsessive/compulsive behavior.

The obsessions are what we're anxious over - usually, with OCPD, it's along the general lines that things are not OK. There's some difference of opinion over whether the anxiety comes first, and we assign specific meaning to it, or the distressing "not OK" thoughts come, and we get anxious over them. Either way...there's anxiety & thoughts about "things are not OK & bad things are about to happen."

So, then the compulsions aim to soothe the anxiety. If I can perfectly control this little corner of the world - the kitchen sink, the laundry, the far left corner of the topmost cupboard, etc. - things might be OK. And the more things I can check off that specific list, the more and more comfort (momentary escape from anxiety) I can perceive I'm getting from doing it. I can do the laundry, and that's soothing because it's a controlled task that gets done within specific parameters. But the brain doesn't stay satisfied with that. If doing the laundry entails 15 steps rather than 10 steps, that's 5 more steps of soothing satisfaction I can get, 5 more things I can check off the list. We add things ultimately to be able to check them off the list. Those lists, either mental or actual, get mentally linked to a perception that we have a chance at controlling how things go and therefore, at preventing whatever bad things are about to happen (but really, they're just about escaping the bad feelings that we often don't even recognize we're having.) So then meaning gets assigned to those lists of activities - that they, not even the end results they bring, but the lists & activities themselves, are the key to controlling the unacceptable chaos around us. If we can just get them right....

The double downside to all this is that the more we reinforce to our brains the escape part, the more our brains get the message that the obsessions are real and need paying attention to. So the more we'll try to escape, adding complexity to prolong the escape. I suppose a rough comparison might be needing more and more of a drug to get the same effect after a while. I don't know how neuroscientifically accurate that is though, or, for that matter, any of this. But it seems to match my experience and to fit with what I've read of OC thinking and behaviors.

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People do not change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.  ― Freda Lewis-Hall


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:47 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:38 am
Posts: 76
My ex was compulsive about keeping his home office desk cleaned. I don't think he was really effective at work other than the desk cleaning. He had to have the inbox down to a certain level.

At the same time, he travelled all the time yet couldn't book an airplane ticket. His therapist couldn't tell him why. Why, because it had to be the perfect choice of maximizing his time at the meeting, shortening his return flight, not being away from the family. None of it was ever perfect. He couldn't commit to any choice. Sometimes he would end up forgetting that he never finalized the tickets he had on hold and would miss that perfect flight and it never seemed to bother him. He cleaned the desk so he could create a new adrenaline rush of anxiety with the airline tickets.

I still find it crazy that they want things perfect yet deliberately create chaos in many situations.


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:32 pm 
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Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 3:28 pm
Posts: 41
Francie wrote:
So, then the compulsions aim to soothe the anxiety.


That's the best explanation of the lists + anxieties I've encountered.

My husband has a living to-do list - he adds to it daily and maintains it so that it is never "done". As a person who likes the satisfaction of "done" it has always perplexed me.

Thank you Francie!


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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:32 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 9:38 pm
Posts: 1978
terpsichore wrote:
He cleaned the desk so he could create a new adrenaline rush of anxiety with the airline tickets.
Or to avoid making a decision on the tickets. I find myself doing insignificant, ritualistic, clearly-measurable stuff like that if there's impending action needed on something else. In my case it's avoidance and resistance to having to make a decision. If I don't act on it for long enough, the decision is made for me via the passage of time, and I'm no longer actively responsible for its outcome - I had no choice. Irrational rationalizing and all that.

terpsichore wrote:
I still find it crazy that they want things perfect yet deliberately create chaos in many situations.
It's not called it a disorder for nothing ;) And I'd amend "deliberately" to "can't seem to help but." It seems to be fallout from the coping mechanisms for the ongoing distress messages, and for most of my life it's been entirely under my radar that I'm the one creating it, and often still is until it's pointed out to me.

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People do not change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.  ― Freda Lewis-Hall


Last edited by Francie on Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: OCPD Laundry Habits ...
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:35 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 9:38 pm
Posts: 1978
Glad it could be of help, Brooklyn. :)

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People do not change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat.  ― Freda Lewis-Hall


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