Can't take anymore wrote:
Wow; this has all been so interesting. So many different ideas about the origins of OCDP. I tend to agree with this being something that develops more from childhood experiences. I think my ex was raised by an OCPD mother by what he described of her. She was the "perfect" one in the family, who was very organized and rigid with rules and expectations. He said she was always dressed nice everyday, we're talking high heels to stay home and dinner was always served at the same time; they never had birthday parties or celebrated holidays much either. He spoke of receiving beatings by her and said one time she broke a broom stick on him. I don't know, it's not a lot of information to go off of but I suspect.
He would always explain to me why I had to do things a certain way and it was because that's the way they (his family) always did it. If I brushed a miniscule crumb off the table while eating he was go into hysterics as to why I shouldn't I do that. If I didn't use the correct knife to cut carrots or didn't hold the knife properly he would get beyond agitated. He went ballistic once because I stirred some beans in "old" pot with a fork! Literally had a melt down! He didn't want me washnig dishes in his house because I wasn't his wife and it wasn't my home? He had another melt down one day because I didn't put the coffee away fast enough while making breakfast (yes, he let me do that!) and because I was unaware of his condition at the time, I got angry at his incredible "in my opinion" paranoia about every tiny little thing, that I took it back out and laid it on the counter and said "I'm the one making breakfast, so when I finish up here, I will return it to the pantry." Oh no........it was then that I heard "THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE!" I just left breakfast cooking on the stove and walked out. He didn't like my hair curled, it needed to be straight; he didn't like the clothes I wore, he refused to go to the mall with me in the "summer time" because I was wearing flip flops....... flip flops are only to worn in the house because that's how he was raised. And I could go on forever....... But the icing on the cake for me was when he told me that there were a "Million" things he loved about me but there were still 4 or 5 things that bothered him! Hello? Does he not know math? Let's compare....... 1 million to 4-5? I know he has to realize he has a problem; even if he doesn't want to admit it, somewhere inside him he has to know and if he didn't before, he does now, because I just flat out told him "you have OCPD, stay in denial if you want, but it's not going to change the fact that you do."
Your ex and mine must be brothers from the same mother!!!Soooooo similar to my ex and to his mother. Anal retentive times a gazillion.
An "opinion" on EVERYTHING! Before I knew what he had and at the very end over I don't know what of his bazillion dissatisfactions with the way things were done I answered "in the future if I want your opinion I'll ask for it". Immediately after a little boy's voice came out to answer "well that's not good, that won't work". I was thinking to myself I had never told anyone before to hold their opinions to themselves. The sheer triviality (in my mind) and volume of complaints/corrections/opinions coming out of his mouth was over the top. A rare event that he would ever have anything positive to say about anything, anyone. In the end I thought he was the most unhappy, confused, stuck, self sabotaging and boring person I had ever met. I was feeling suffocated. His mother is just as opinionated, nitpicky and miserable as he and they are to quote him "best friends". The kicker, if you weren't going to love his mother and be close to her he had no capacity to stay in the relationship. At his age 58 and his mother's 81 they talk long distance every night and complain to each a lot.
I gotta say, it makes me uber sad that he can't be in a relationship with a woman and has few friends. He will drive any woman away after a while...that I am sure.
I too told him after we split that I saw OCPD in him and he can deny and run away and never seek therapy but it wasn't going to change what is.
I wish him luck but he will end up exactly like his mother, sick and alone with no children even to check in on him. That's the price you pay for ignoring what all his ex girlfriends and other people in his life have pointed out to him whilst he digs himself down in trenches and hides away.
Underneath his strong veneer lies a very jealous and unhappy person. Couldn't stay with that negativity that has no end.
He also came from a very critical (both parents) highly dysfunctional background. His family is riddled with shame.