Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 12:05 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Thought I'd steal RT 's idea and keep it all in one place. I have nothing yet to add today, but for those who might be interested, I'll just post here from now on.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 8:04 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
I love the idea - obviously. I stole it from Sugar!
The journaling helps to keep the sanity. I've been reading back over my own, lately to see progress and compare where I am when I feel stuck.

Hang in there! Holidays are stress-filled under the best circumstances.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 8:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
So today dh is ok. He woke up early and took dd6 with him shopping and to fast food. Whoop, she got a little gluten in the fries. I forgot about cross contamination. Oh well, he tried. So today must be hoover day one.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:35 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Hoover day 2, he has been very pleasant all day. I am not sure what to make of his reactions to dd10 and her potty training, though. She is in undies, but she still leaks some before she pees on the toilet and bm? Well, she hasnt gotten that one yet here at home, though she has gone on the toilet at school. She keeps peeing on her lounge chair, and when dh asks if she has to pee, she shakes her head no. Understandably he is frustrated as we have to have mats and tarps everywhere. But I dont know if I like how he reacts to her, though I get why he is feeling the way he is.
He tells her over and over in a raised voice, "I told ypu No pee pees on the chair! Daddy asked you if you had to go pee pee and you said "no". He shuts off her music for a few minutes to get her attention, and today after he sprayed vinegar and put paper towels on her chair, he placed a box on the chair so she couldnt sit on it. It was there for like two or three hours to get her attention again and to make her kind of get it. She has another toy table she likes to sit on, so its not like ahe had nowhere to sit. But he kept kind of Tarzan language lectured her whenever he came back in the room on and off for like 15-20 minutes. I dont know that she gets it. So I didnt interfere as he might be within his rights to react that way.

Anyway, Ihave been feeling lulled into a comfort zone here as he has even been talking rationally about my trip. I think my admission that I dont know if I want to be here has shaken him up.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:38 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Adding that it makes me feel like a jerk for wanting to leave. I have to remember that he didnt just change overnight and that he is on his best behavior right now. But yeay, I am feeling my wall come down, and not so sure that's a good idea.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:44 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
I'm glad for you to have some positive behavior Juju!
Be on guard and accept it for what it is. No more, no less. Sit back and watch.

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 12:17 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
There must be something wrong with me. I am almost disappointed that he is acting nice and reasonable right now. What the hell is wrong with me to be feeling this way?!!!! I should be thrilled.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 12:21 am 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
I think it is a normal reaction. In a way it is easier when they act like a$&holes. I went through a time when I wished my DH would have an affair - a clear reason for me to leave. The half in half out stuff drives me crazy sometimes. It makes it hard to think about leaving when they are being "nice".


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 2:27 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
huge-row-this-a-m-over-a-pot-lid-t5304.html

Don't lose track of this thread about "the conundrum".
You are NOT wrong to feel disappointed that he is being nice. I think what you (and we all) feel is the sense of Hope that our SO's could change. Then we try to resolve that feeling with the knowledge of the repeated behavior - see what Fava posted to me on the RikkiTikki thread today about un-earned forgiveness. I also read about this. It's actually easier for us to believe that we are wrong or flawed in some way than to believe that our SO could REALLY be living in a completely different reality from ours. They are not living in a cooperative reality where the goal is betterment for both. They are living in a reality where the GOAL is POWER OVER the other. Period. If you realize this - his goal is completely different than yours then it all becomes clearer. It is pretty ugly and angry, however. And there is STILL the hope that they'll realize and change realities - if Only we could help them to see... Maybe this is a distinction between OCPD and abuse for other reasons is that sometimes they are nice and do not abuse. You get a glimpse of the one who you fell for, the one who loves you. It suck you back in...it just sucks...
Juju, you are doing great! We are here for you!

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 1:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Heh heh! Dh has totally been hoovering, lol! He is even talking about this trip like he supports it, haha! He gave me a present for my trip on my birthday, he is calling his cabbie that he uses for me (but Ill be prepared to call one if it isnt set up by a certain time), and he made sure that I had a dessert for singing happy birthday. He is also apparently now excited to read a book that I contributed a chapter to. He said that O didnt "keep him in the loop" about the book....i think I did tell him it was here if memory serves, bt I might not have.) However now he is all intent upon reading it....I am hearing a sucking sound!


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 1:11 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
I know it's been a while....dh has still be on his very best behavior. I am feeling myself slowly letting my guard down....trying to keep myself from believing that all of the "stuff" has just magically disappeared. He has been "normal " for a couple of weeks or so, the longest period of calm we have had in a while. I guess it is true that I feel kind of in limbo, not completely distant because he is behaving himself so he is more relaxed appearing, and yet, I dont want to get close to him because he kind of stomped all over me for so long. It is as if nothing ever happened, yet I have already shut off a bit of that love. So I am in emotional limbo.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 11:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
Finally figured out my feelings about things right now, I think. Dh is on a "normal" phase right now , especially since the trip is over (anxiety is down) and because he knows that I am not thrilled to be with him. So he is on best behavior. But it dawned on me that I truly think he doesnt love me as his wife. He loves me as "the mother of his children." He said he would do what it takes to "keep this family from being torn apart." But he never said that he didnt want to lose me. I have to be here to keep his world normal and to keep his family together. That is far different than wanting to keep ME because he loves me. And being a Sicilian, family is more important than anything. It truly reminds me of the Sopranos where you have to honor family above all, but as a concept, not as the members of the unit. It is a depressing thought.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 12:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 08, 2014 11:05 am
Posts: 302
Juju - I have come to much the same conclusion. I worked to fix the "wrongs" and DH worked at it too but my sad conclusion is that there just really isn't much "there" to begin with. My DH wants a wife and mother and companion but it doesn't equal him wanting ME as that person. It could almost be anyone....

Very sad realization because this can't be fixed - it's just not there. I feel like a business partner and roommate much of the time - not connected to a man that is connected to me.


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:33 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 31, 2014 7:16 pm
Posts: 2683
I thi k for him, I am the best wife out there for the job because of what I do for the girls and for our specific special situation (as you yourself are in with adhd in the picture), so technically he wants ME, but for the job I do, and not because I am the woman he wants for his own soul. Though I am not happy you are in that situation wwurst, I am relieved you "get it." It is sad really, because the choice seems to be, make the best of it for the kids or start fresh and devastate the kids. It really sucks:(


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 Post subject: Re: Juju's Chronicle....
PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 2:09 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:09 pm
Posts: 2315
Oh, gals! I am unhappily in that same boat! This is what I just posted on my Chronicle about this morning and was realizing in IC on Tuesday. So it's ok as long as you can live with the 'arrangement', but don't be asking for True Love or any such non-sense! :(

_________________
RikkiTikki, 23 yrs married. July 2014 aware of OCPD, Sept 2016 divorced
XH=non-diag OCPD (Narc?) DS=21, DD=18
RL - Rekindled Love, BF from 20's Back in life

The beginning: rt-lift-off-rikkitikki-s-chronicle-t5072-2775.html


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