Awww thanks for the encouragement, Ladies! It felt good to stand up for myself. Tonight I wasnt so successful, but I at least tried to stand up for myself. I am trying to tell myself that I am worthwhile and not the big knucklehead that he makes me feel like sometimes. It is getting less and less difficult to be kind to myself. I am learning to be my own champion.
I would love it if one day we gals could finally meet IRL....When we have made decisions and are happy, that would be awesome.
In the meantime for my memory, another incident:
Ugh! So this evening I left some bowls with the Instant Pot turned upside down on top of them on the stovrtop to dry as I had no room in the drainboard. Then later I turned on the pot on the front burner to cook my daughter's squash. Uocpdh comes up and moves the instant pot lid and brings it up to my attention. I tried to not JADE, but found myself doing so. He then said to me,"well you yourself have said that you are not that observant." I told him that I think I am doing okay, and he said, "you are saying you are average at the important things." I said no. He said "thats what you just said." I told him I felt I was fine at noticing the important things, that if my daughter ran out the door and I had food on the stove, I'd run out after her. He said he "would hope so." I tried to ignore and attend to my daughter when he said, "we are not rich, you know." I told him it was a freakin instant pot. Like they should be able to handle heat. He put the lid against my skin to show that it was warm. It was warm, not hot, and had only been warm because it touched or was near the hot pot and still did not get hot after fifteen minutes of contact. He then started in about "how high does the flame have to be" for me to be concerned about the pot? Or about how high before it is a problem? I was finally done, and I brusquely opened the door when my daughter called from the bathroom. I heard dh go "wow!" Like I was some crazy person who had issues. He was calm the whole time while I raised my voice at one point because I am fresh outta patience for crazy and parenting by my husband. Sigh! Normally I dont go off, but he is always hovering when I cook
Ah just in case this is helpful to others, I got this breakdown from a FB (narc support group) post:
he wants you to think your not observant, wasteful etc. He is changing your view of yourself, so you will doubt yourself, it paves the way for more subtle put downs. It is not the truth. It is gas lighting.
He even wanted you to rethink the temperature of the pot! Please believe in yourself. Don't fall for the crazy making