Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 7:47 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 25, 2017 7:37 pm
Posts: 1
and practically in tears. I am a 47 year old white male with OCPD. I almost didn't register on this forum due to perfectionism. I sleep a lot to escape life, and my wife left me about 7 years ago. One of my biggest symptoms is the inability to tolerate other people. Does anyone relate? I can't stand to be in a library where others make noise. I can't stand customer service people on the phone who don't say "please" after telling me to "hold." I've gotten myself and my son kicked out of our apt. for complaining too much about neighbor stuff. Can anyone relate?


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 8:19 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:09 am
Posts: 1083
I can't relate but I am hoping you with apply to the Ocpd only part of this site to find the support you need.
Good luck.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:28 am 
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Joined: Sun Dec 11, 2016 12:58 pm
Posts: 74
Hi there,

I am a soon to be ex wife of my undiagnosed OCPD husband. I can only relate in the sense that my husband also has had issues with our neighbors on both sides of both homes we lived in. The characteristics you mentioned make sense with OCPD. I am so glad that you reached out and have noted that you suspect you have the condition. That is a great first step, and very courageous. As Gardensanity said, utilize the OCPD only section for correspondence with those that have OCPD, as that probably would be the most helpful. Most of the active members of this forum now are significant others of those afflicted, which if you read the posts can give you our perspective, but I caution that there is a lot of frustration and resentment on our side peppered through the posts. Comes with the territory when you find a place that you can vent and validate.

Best of Luck in your journey.

Movingon


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 6:17 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:09 am
Posts: 1083
I was recently surprised to find a variety of YouTube videos that gave info about this disorder.
Ever hopeful for all who are challenged by this disorder.
gs


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 2:33 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:32 pm
Posts: 45
I can relate on some level. I find some of the things you mentioned difficult. I can't stand bad customer service and I've almost been in a fight for insisting that people in a movie theater shut up. So I get it. But it's not going to get you anywhere to think that way. I think our gut reaction is that if we say something maybe they will change. But they are who they are and we are who we are and by going around and being an a*****e to everyone we disagree with, what we end up with is a very lonely life.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 3:34 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:36 pm
Posts: 18
Overkill wrote:
and practically in tears. I am a 47 year old white male with OCPD. I almost didn't register on this forum due to perfectionism. I sleep a lot to escape life, and my wife left me about 7 years ago. One of my biggest symptoms is the inability to tolerate other people. Does anyone relate? I can't stand to be in a library where others make noise. I can't stand customer service people on the phone who don't say "please" after telling me to "hold." I've gotten myself and my son kicked out of our apt. for complaining too much about neighbor stuff. Can anyone relate?


I'm a fellow OCPD'r. Maybe you need to get from where you are to here:

Hello - I am New and I am ready to make changes to improve my life, because I'm really unhappy about the choices I'm making. I am a 47 year old male with OCPD. I choose to register even though my OCPD made it really challenging to do. I recognize that I have been sleeping a lot, to escape life, and that isn't how I want to live. My wife left me 7 years ago, likely because I wasn't willing to make the changes I needed to. I have repeatedly choose my commitment to OCPD over my relationships and happiness. I've identified my intolerance of other people as a primary problem, and need to figure out how to stop projecting my values on others, and let them live their lives as they choose. Does anyone have suggestions? When others make noise in a library, instead of ignoring it as I should, I get myself all worked up, as if I'm the noise police, judge and jury, and become overwhelmed with unhelpful emotions. And when it comes to customer service people, if they don't follow the script I have written for them in my head, well I choose to use at as license to judge them harshly and again get overwhelmed with unhelpful emotions. My inability to control my own thoughts and emotions got so out of control that my son and I were kicked out of an apartment, because I choose to repeatedly complain about my neighbors business. As you can see, I'm a mess. Can anyone offer me some words of wisdom, so I, and the others around me, don't have to continue to live like this?

Maybe username ReadyToChange instead of Overkill


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:45 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:32 pm
Posts: 45
jscherer26 wrote:
Overkill wrote:
and practically in tears. I am a 47 year old white male with OCPD. I almost didn't register on this forum due to perfectionism. I sleep a lot to escape life, and my wife left me about 7 years ago. One of my biggest symptoms is the inability to tolerate other people. Does anyone relate? I can't stand to be in a library where others make noise. I can't stand customer service people on the phone who don't say "please" after telling me to "hold." I've gotten myself and my son kicked out of our apt. for complaining too much about neighbor stuff. Can anyone relate?


I'm a fellow OCPD'r. Maybe you need to get from where you are to here:

Hello - I am New and I am ready to make changes to improve my life, because I'm really unhappy about the choices I'm making. I am a 47 year old male with OCPD. I choose to register even though my OCPD made it really challenging to do. I recognize that I have been sleeping a lot, to escape life, and that isn't how I want to live. My wife left me 7 years ago, likely because I wasn't willing to make the changes I needed to. I have repeatedly choose my commitment to OCPD over my relationships and happiness. I've identified my intolerance of other people as a primary problem, and need to figure out how to stop projecting my values on others, and let them live their lives as they choose. Does anyone have suggestions? When others make noise in a library, instead of ignoring it as I should, I get myself all worked up, as if I'm the noise police, judge and jury, and become overwhelmed with unhelpful emotions. And when it comes to customer service people, if they don't follow the script I have written for them in my head, well I choose to use at as license to judge them harshly and again get overwhelmed with unhelpful emotions. My inability to control my own thoughts and emotions got so out of control that my son and I were kicked out of an apartment, because I choose to repeatedly complain about my neighbors business. As you can see, I'm a mess. Can anyone offer me some words of wisdom, so I, and the others around me, don't have to continue to live like this?

Maybe username ReadyToChange instead of Overkill


Well said!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:00 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Posts: 627
As a non-OCPDer, I have found that some OCPDers don't have the ability to prioritize.
This can be in deciding what to do ina given day...for example if we are having family over that day, the top priority should be cleaning/straightening up the rooms where guests will be and making food. It should not be doing yard work in the back yard.
Yes, maybe that needs to be done, but it is not top priority.
But sometimes when talking about top priority, OCPDers run into "Demand Resistance".
So if I say "Why don't you clean off the table"...the OCPDer can not want to do just because they were asked.
And then sometimes the OCPDer gets caught up in the "shoulds"...
"You should keep this table clean all the time!"

So where as I, the non-OCPDer, are just having a few family members over for Easter, we are suddenly stuck with someone who doesn't want to clean up and is yelling at me because I (and him) have not kept every surface clean of stuff all the time forever ("Not perfect)

So I guess the question is, how can you realize how to prioritize things? I might see many things...some are small annoyances (sometimes people leave paper near the mailboxes), some are medium (when people have a party there is noise), and some are large (I have a tap dancer living in the apartment above me).
I think to OCPDers these are perceived at the same level of annoyance and you try to solve them all as if they are the worst problem in the world!
But others don't think that way, and think "What's the big deal?" or "Why is he making a federal case about this?"
and then you are the boy who cried wolf and/or are kicked out.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 10:24 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:36 pm
Posts: 18
Booper, I think you should start a new thread for this question. Or can you explain how this question is relevant here? Maybe I'm just missing it.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 11:46 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Posts: 627
You said: "My inability to control my own thoughts and emotions got so out of control that my son and I were kicked out of an apartment, because I choose to repeatedly complain about my neighbors business. As you can see, I'm a mess. Can anyone offer me some words of wisdom, so I, and the others around me, don't have to continue to live like this?"

So, I, as a member of this board, were offering you some "words of wisdom"...you chose to complain about your neighbors business and I am suggesting that perhaps it is an issue of prioritizing...that you prioritized complaining about someone over keeping your apartment. That you don't know how to let some issues go.

As this is a public message board, feel free to ignore advice you are not interested in.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 2:16 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 06, 2017 1:46 pm
Posts: 1
yes, i can relate to this, I am OCPD and I prefer my own company. diagnosed last summer, finally accepting it


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:56 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm
Posts: 721
Hi bopper,

I just wanted to say, I thought your observations about the problems the OCPDer has prioritizing were terrific, for the understanding of both OCPDers and nonOCPDers alike. And then, if you try to nudge them in the direction of what should be the top priorities, you may run into demand resistance. Ha! How true.

You ask how to help OCPDers learn to prioritize things, and not put an equal weight onto all possible actions. Of course, the OCPDer has to do this himself. Not something you can do for him.

My simple answer is the OCPDer learns this through effort, as anyone would to learn a new skill. Yes, nons can prioritize pretty easily, even without thinking. It's natural to them. Still, appreciate it's not a skill OCPDers have.

It's always said, the OCPDer needs to get in touch with his feelings, to get better. He lives in his head and is out of touch with his feelings. To get better, he needs to continuously bring himself back to "how does this feel -- what does this experience feel like?". The thing is, feelings are indispensable to prioritizing. Feelings are the weight one gives to things, to help decide what comes first. OCPDers, out of touch with their feelings, are in the prioritizing process like a color-blind person trying to sort M&Ms by color. It's impossible.

Another related issue is deliberation, which is the true weighing of factors, to come to a decision. It's said OCPDers are unable to deliberate. Again, that's because they're not in touch with their feelings, and feelings are needed to weigh one thing against another. Otherwise their consideration process consists of just stark, empty words, and numbers, symbols that don't point to anything important. They can think about something endlessly, but it never comes to a conclusion.

With time and great effort over years, then the OCPDers might get better in touch with his feelings, learn how to deliberate and weigh the elements, decide, and so set more proper priorities.

I've also heard it said the OCPDer doesn't seem to care much about things, he seems indifferent. I think he certainly does have the capacity to care. It's just that his caring is spread out equally among all things. He considers everything equally. In his mind, to do otherwise would play favorites, and so be wrong. It seems then by caring about everything just a little bit, he often gets nothing done. Better to care a lot about a few things, and take care of those things.

I feel I'm getting rather OCPDy now in my analysis so I better stop there. :)

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2017 2:38 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 3:12 pm
Posts: 721
Hi bopper,

Just one more thing came to mind. For me, and I suspect a lot of OCPDers, my whole world is basically what's ever right in front of my face. So if it's a wet washrag crumpled on the kitchen sink, there's nothing else. An eruption of anger ensues.

An OCPDer like this is like a bad boss who you try to keep bad news away from, because he's unable to put it in context. Treat him like a child. Sweep things under the rug. Cram things in closets and behind doors. Keep the truth from him; lie to him. In the long run, that's not going to work.

So then, what's the answer to dealing with someone like this, who only sees what's right in front of his face, and forgets anything else -- "out of sight, out of mind"? I don't know. It's frustrating.

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:27 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Posts: 627
And another problem is the "catastrophizing"...

Wet rag? If no one takes care of it, it could get moldy! What if it is black mold? What if it gets all throughout the house and we have to move out? oMG you want us to lose our house!!!!

While the spouse thinks: "So just hang it up already..or if you want the rag a certain way then you do the dishes"


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 Post subject: Re: Hello - I am New...
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:11 am 
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Joined: Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:08 pm
Posts: 627
And another problem is the "catastrophizing"...

Wet rag? If no one takes care of it, it could get moldy! What if it is black mold? What if it gets all throughout the house and we have to move out? oMG you want us to lose our house!!!!

While the spouse thinks: "So just hang it up already..or if you want the rag a certain way then you do the dishes"


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