Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:41 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 4:07 am
Posts: 988
And I should add, it is a pity that communication would stop, because KK has very interesting and good insights, and at the very least some novel ideas that merit full consideration. At the very least, it is likely to be far more appealing to the ocpd'ers, who have to go deep in themselves in order to perform the necessary change. I spent the time doing homework because what kk says is interesting. But modest it ain't.


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:09 am 
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Location: OBX, NC, 'Murica, Earth, Milky Way, Local Galactic Group
Subsequent to related discussions in another thread, I did a little panning in the cyber-sluice and believe I've found a gem. Here is an article with references that, to me, bridges the gap between Kidkimbo's perspectives and others' reactions to his blog (and related forum postings). It shows in parallel the strengths and problems of an unusual life situation we haven't encountered so vividly on this forum before. Realizing how connotations of the oxymoronic terms "gift" and "disorder" can affect us, and how objectively seeking additional information often provides elusive explanations, can help in mutual understanding.

SENG's "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children" http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/misdiagnosis-and-dual-diagnosis-of-gifted-children


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:17 pm 
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Posts: 721
Hi realitycheque,

realitycheque wrote:


From the article:
In some sense, however, giftedness is a dual diagnosis with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder since intellectualization may be assumed to underlie many of the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria for this disorder.

We're misunderstood geniuses.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sincerely, Paul


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:56 pm 
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Location: OBX, NC, 'Murica, Earth, Milky Way, Local Galactic Group
That particular statement was one of the reasons I thought it worthwhile to update the thread and post this article for others to cut and polish for their own setting.


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:49 pm 
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Posts: 387
RCA, thanks. That article is my son to a "T." Astonishingly gifted, and ADD. My stbx, not so much. ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 6:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:51 pm
Posts: 761
Quote:
Paul: We're misunderstood geniuses.


In specific applicatons I agree that the OCPD focus can be very effective. In relationships, it generally doesn't appear to work that way. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 6:07 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:09 am
Posts: 1083
I know some geniuses without OCPD and they have their own bag o' tricks but relationship issues don't seem to be a problem.Maybe because they choose geniuses as their mate?Maybe that's the problem..I'm not smart enough. Come to think of it this may have been mentioned in a rant.


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 9:02 am 
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:lol: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 1:09 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:58 pm
Posts: 110
realitycheque wrote:
Subsequent to related discussions in another thread, I did a little panning in the cyber-sluice and believe I've found a gem. Here is an article with references that, to me, bridges the gap between Kidkimbo's perspectives and others' reactions to his blog (and related forum postings). It shows in parallel the strengths and problems of an unusual life situation we haven't encountered so vividly on this forum before. Realizing how connotations of the oxymoronic terms "gift" and "disorder" can affect us, and how objectively seeking additional information often provides elusive explanations, can help in mutual understanding.

SENG's "Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children" http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/misdiagnosis-and-dual-diagnosis-of-gifted-children


THIS EXPLAINS SOOO MUCH. My goodness. No WONDER I understood so much of KK's blog and could relate an awful lot of it to my experience with my SO...after reading this, I DO believe my SO is dual OCPD and gifted, and, I don't know how not to sound immodest but the description of the "gifted" traits explains (amongst so many other things that hit home, hard, while reading the article) why I can see obsessive traits in myself (but my T reassures me they're not pathological, but adaptive and conscientious, required for my profession/creative ability/personality/whatever), and why SO thinks I have ADHD... whoa. Down to the messy handwriting, which was my first "C" (in Kindergarten, the only C ever except gym class later on...):

"Poor handwriting is often used as one indicator of learning disabilities. However, many and perhaps most gifted children will show poor handwriting. Usually this simply represents that their thoughts go so much faster than their hands can move, and that they see little sense in making writing an art form when its primary purpose is to communicate (Webb & Kleine, 1993; Winner, 2000)."

EXACTLY. No one believed me when I tried to explain this when I was, like, 5... (There are other examples, but that one seemed so random and so exactly spot on, I had to cite it! Never thought anyone would understand that...I was always told it was just an "excuse" for being sloppy.)

Also explains my attraction to SO--the things that made sense in him that I knew I wouldn't likely find in other people (despite all the OCPD-resonating negatives that went along with it, that I worked so hard to learn to put up with in exchange for all the awesome stuff, until he appeared to have flipped and started pinning all his problems and a whole host of issues on me).

I think SO would appreciate this article, and it would also help him understand himself and me. But, I need to think carefully how to share it, so he will not look at it and therefore dismiss anything his T says about other diagnoses...hmm.

Ironically, part of me feels the need to Justify, Defend, and Explain why I think this (the "gifted" part) by showing examples, but that would give more identifying information than I want to do right now. Weird feeling, this JADE stuff, definitely in there for me, somehow. So, I risk looking arrogant...truly sorry if it's offensive...that will just have to be a potential cost of posting. (The stuff about social issues also hit home hard...still working on that.) Just want to express that I am IMMENSELY grateful to RC for finding and posting this. Can't wait to scour the rest of this website. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Maybe this will finally get the ADHD and other labels SO wants to pin on me that my T scoffs at, firmly out of SO's overworking/hyper-analyzing brain. (May be wishful thinking...yeah, I know...but, I'm about half moved-on from the relationship, wish I could claim to be more but honestly probably can't, half hanging around to be supportive as a diagnosis is pending and just in case enough awareness is possible to make things good again, sigh, probably also wishful thinking but also not impossible.)


Last edited by OnKey on Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:25 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:58 pm
Posts: 110
The above post notwithstanding (or perhaps because of it?), I want to make it clear that I definitely BELIEVE those whose experience makes the blog's title, if not its contents, offensive and head-scratching, and it makes me sad and want to offer love and hugs wherever needed... While we all share some common experiences, in other ways we are in different places as each situation is unique. Some things could always be better, some could always be worse. The pain for each is real and deeply felt.

Just really not wanting my feelings of validation for a few things to make others feel invalidated...that would be the LAST thing I would want to see but can see it has probably happened in other places on this thread and been a source of stress for several readers including myself. (Is that JADEing?? ugh.)


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:07 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2012 1:54 am
Posts: 1
I'm new to this forum and not completely sure all the rules of the road, but I'm going to jump in and see where it takes me. I came across the GiftofOCPD blog by accident and within a few minutes my entire being was shaken to its core. Might sound a bit dramatic, but at the time that's how I felt. I am married to the most wonderful man, together for 16 years, and I strongly believe he has OCPD. Over the years I've been dumbfounded how this amazing, kind, generous, empathetic, loving man could also be angry, scared, mean, judgmental, controlling...quite frankly, the opposite of all the wonderful things he can be. This constant contradiction never made any sense to me and it created a deep sadness, anger, resentment over the years. This conflicting behavior made it hard to leave and hard to stay -- on the one hand I loved our relationship but at times has broken me. It's my nature to be a problem solver and I've been determined to figure him out...or rather better understand him. Why is it so important to him that "I'm on his side" when I have a different opinion than his? Why when we argue and I respond in kind does he say "you are just like my mother"? Why does he have temper-tantrums over basic life experiences? Why is he so loving, caring, generous to his elderly aunt, but when she gets ill and life gets tough he runs away? Why is he so sensitive to other people's emotions, especially animals and children -- he becomes overwelmed if he sees or knows of them experiencing any pain and is unable to handle the emotion. Why when life is out of order he can't cope? Where are his problem solving skills....it seems so obvious? And this list of questions can go on and on....

When I found GiftofOCPD the answers to these questions and so many others came rushing forward and it was an unbelievable moment. My DH is broken, and all the pieces of his childhood fit together. His mother has OCPD (I've experienced is many times) but I didn't connect the two until reading this blog. All my DH's stories of his sadness as a child, his longing for his mothers love, being bullied in school so bad he wanted to kill himself, his OCD tendancies and how it crippled his life. There's a story that his family shares which they think is sweet/endearing and I now see it as a really sad story. During my DH's 7th birthday he received a box of office supplies (note pads, pens, pencils, sticky notes, etc.) and he spent the afternoon (during his party) under the table organizing every item. When I first heard this story I thought "how sweet he's been mr. neat freak since he was 7!" But now I see a very scared little boy who was organizing his things to bring him comfort -- this breaks my heart.

GiftofOCPD gave me hope...not for me and not for my relationship, but for my DH. He can be free of this chain that is crippling him. I completely agree with the blog that he is a gift. Was he a "gifted child"? Probably not, but I don't think you have to be 100% of what is outlined in the blog to connect with it's meaning. My DH has an enormous heart which is because of his high sensitive emotions (this was one major connection that gave me a huge "ah ha" moment). He shows deep feelings of love and generosity -- it's what makes him truly amazing and for me has been a gift -- and when he feels safe this is the person that exists. While selfishly I'd love to say that my goal here is to set him free so we can have a long loving beautiful life together. The reality is, I don't know where our relationship will end up, but my hope and wish for him is that he finds his way to freedom (with our without me).

So it is now my new journey (as I was encouraged by the blog writer (KK)) to show him how amazing life can be when free of OCPD. By putting my ego aside and approaching him differently, with empathy, love, support, kindness (even during his darkest rage), I have seen a change in him in those moments and the moments following. It's not about compromising myself, I know that I am a strong independent woman who does not need him to live my life. I could not be this comfort to him if I wasn't strong in mind, in self, and in spirit. It's not my intention to be his mother, but to help him understand his "all or nothing" thinking is not what it appears, that the reality of his fear is not what his fear leads him to believe, and help him see his self worth is based on a deep beautiful place within, not the outcome of his performance.

I was deeply disappointed in many people's response to this blog...I thought for sure that more would see what I see in its message. I've browsed this particular forum for over a year and this is my first time posting. To be honest, many post here are extremely negative and I have never found comfort, only more sadness, anger and frustration. I would love for this forum to focus it's efforts more in line with the blog GiftofOCPD, where people can share how they are doing in overcoming their OCPD or what techniques their spouses/partners have tried that show progress and support. Encouragement is the only way forward, even if it's honest encouragement that you don't want to hear as long as it comes from a place of honesty, empathy and hope for a better tomorrow.


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 6:19 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 12:17 pm
Posts: 1935
Location: SoCal - 5 yrs moved out/4 1/2 yrs broken up w/6 year live-in with OCPD b-f.
Rpage, welcome.
rpage2115 wrote:
By putting my ego aside and approaching him differently, with empathy, love, support, kindness (even during his darkest rage), I have seen a change in him in those moments and the moments following.


I approached my ex with love, support, kindness, and flexibility long before I ever heard of OCPD. Later, I tried those things, as well as increasing my boundaries, and every other tool in the toolbox. Many of the people on this board have "put their egos aside" and approached their loved ones with love, support, kindness, and more, for YEARS. Decades even. A handful have had more permanent success; in most cases, the change has lasted for "those moments," and not much beyond it.

Your experience may be different, because you are a different person, as is your partner. As are we all. It's great that you find inspiration, hope and healing in the Gift of OCPD blog.

But OCPD ain't all rainbows and kittens. There is no one approach or technique that is "the only way forward." There is nothing wrong with people expressing sadness, anger or frustration. Those are REAL emotions, honest emotions, and part of the whole process of becoming whole, both for those with and without OCPD is learning how to feel, how to recognize, and how to express all emotions, rather than smothering them or swallowing or medicating away any emotions that make us feel uncomfortable.

Even (or especially) the "negative" ones. This board is designed as a safe place for us all to explore this disorder and how it's impacted our lives, and yep, sometimes all that fresh, unfiltered emotion can feel a little raw.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
Follow the latest Scoop: http://www.scoop.it/t/iso-mental-health-wellness
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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 14, 2013 11:11 pm 
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As someone who was recently diagnosed with OCPD and ADHD, it's been a tremendous relief to know why I do the things I do. My perspectives, negative thinking, rigidity, fear, and obsession with perfectionism has resulted in severe clinical depression.

I've come to understand, it is a personality/character trait, and it's most likely going to be with me the rest of my life. So I need to figure out how to live with it in a healthy manner. One thing that I think is perpetuating my depression is seeing OCPD as the end of the world. I found it interesting to think of it as a "gift". It's forcing me to confront a different paradigm.

I think everyone will interpret it differently, depending on their situation and experiences. But I would challenge assumption that people with OCPD isn't capable of empathy.

While I can be very judgmental about how I perceive things should be done, and I find I can get angry when i see people violating my "rules", I also find that I have a huge tendency to be empathetic for people, depending on the situation. This is driven by the fact that I have low self esteem, so I think other people deserve a "break", but I don't. I tend to hold myself to a standard that's 10x harder on me, than for other people.

Most OCPD'rs probably demonstrate similar characteristics, but in life there's exceptions to the rule, and I think some of us may be different in some areas, due to the fact we each may have different factors, history, and experiences that caused us to have OCPD.


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:57 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 11:56 am
Posts: 299
Kid,

Life is the gift! What you make out of it, are the spoils. And how well we share it and ourselves with others, measures our character and kingdom. I find your writing to be honest, and of good intent. Thanks for sharing your perspective here! Especially on this side of the forum.

>> ...infinite love, forgiveness, patience, and generosity.<<
While I appreciate your "glass half full" attitude. This is the spin in your blog, that gets me dizzy at times. For *me*, this is grandstanding at it's best - with a twist of delusional. For me, and my experience with OCPD - these are not the behaviors I experience from my partner infinitely- nor abundantly. Naturally, this creates a chasm between your description of OCPD traits and my experience. And my cognitive dissonance spasms a bit.

As a person of faith - having infinite attributes of "love, forgiveness, patience, generosity" comes closer to my understanding of my God - and what I should *try* and model in this life myself. But I'm human and selfish enough to realize these God like attributes aren't just *gifted* to anyone. But they require a lifetime of experience and personal refinement to achieve these fleeting states, more regularly.

I can't help but feel like your trying to canonize a PD in the name of a "Gift"?


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 Post subject: Re: Gift of OCPD!??!?!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 08, 2013 10:57 pm 
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Posts: 697
Location: U.S.
I have to say, what the Kid writes about is really amazing. I forget who said it, but I wish I had this type of insight when I was younger. Hell, I wish the so-called Physicians who diagnosed my Mom with Schizophrenia had his insight into OCPD as she would have had a better chance at Life, and her many relatives would not have had to walk around with this pall of negativity hanging over their heads....The Power of Positive thinking is a great way at dealing with overwhelming problems, and both OCPD'r and non's have that....so let the gift giving continue...And, btw, the Pessimist sees the Glass as half-empty, the Optimist sees it as half-full, but only the Engineer with OCPD sees the contents of the Glass for what it really is....e.g, the Glass is twice as Big as it needs to be...!

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Conscientiousness is the defining feature of OCPD from which many of the other symptoms follow. http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/3/3/2158244013500675


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