Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Support Group

A support group for those with OCPD and their loved ones.
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 Post subject: Any OCPDers out there willing to help me with advice?
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2016 10:00 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 12
Hello...

I'm just wondering if anyone out there with OCPD could help me figure out EXACTLY what to do and say as my marriage to an OCPDer ends in divorce and I'm about to get squashed.

I need help...I'll spell out the situation to you and you can tell me what not to say and what I can say that would appeal to his kinder more generous side...

I'm desperate. I don't want to hate this man, but he's taking too much away and seemingly doesn't care about my impending situation....

I feel like I married a stranger....He's very cruel and seems to be getting off on being cruel to me in regards to my financial situation.

It was a short marriage...

He used to rely on me for emotional support and we would talk for hours...After the marriage, he completely stopped talking and started withholding affection, etc. I'm sure I let him down...


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 Post subject: Re: Any OCPDers out there willing to help me with advice?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:04 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2016 8:40 am
Posts: 38
your desperation is really coming through.

However: a lot of us can't help you with the legal stuff because you haven't shared any details that we can give you advice on. Only the emotional stuff but not the legal stuff. So you should see a lawer.

Are you sure he has ocpd? Has he been diagnosed? Or do you have ocpd?
Because to be honost: i lost a ton of money on my ex ocpd partner. I now live in a less nice house but i don't care: i'm free. I'm really missing the relief, you seem really concerned with losing him and the money. Are you that dependant on him?


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 Post subject: Re: Any OCPDers out there willing to help me with advice?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 5:59 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 12
Yes, I'm in a bad situation....The perfect storm of a number of bad factors coming together; I guess you could say.

Nope, not dependent on him; just victimized. After we were married; I put money down on a home for "us." He was to make the payments. Right before we moved in - he lowered the bam....He wanted a divorce. After months of working on the new house; there would be no moving in.... He told me he knew he wanted a divorce in December - and even consulted an attorney at that time. December is the same month Larry and I closed on a house together. It is also the same month I then bought an $18,000 kitchen.

As soon as I put money down on that house; legally it became half his. He made the mortgage payments; which solidified his half ownership in the home.

I make under $20.000 a year; he makes $180,000 a year. He has way over a million in retirement; I have $170,000.

I can't afford to go to court and risk losing half of this money. If I don't get back what I put into that house plus money I used to pay off a credit card bill, and now attorney fees - I will never be able make up this lost money and support my son who has a disability and myself. I am in my mid 50s.

He is willing to sell the new house and give me the proceeds; unfortunately, it won't equal what I put into the house. Nor all the extra money I spent on a wedding and moving costs.

Most men in his financial situation; would make sure a woman in my situation would leave with what she had less than a year after they married.

Not my OCPDer. I have been continually punished all summer with varrying reasons as to why I am now getting a lot less money then he originally offered.

He is playing this like it is a game; although he once told me, "I would never divorce you because it would leave you financially devestated."

Now, what I need is a way to play back. I have no idea what to say or do; no matter what he finds a reason to take money off the table.


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 Post subject: Re: Any OCPDers out there willing to help me with advice?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 6:30 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 7:26 pm
Posts: 579
You have to seek a legal consult - it sounds like you weren't married long enough for 50/50 distributions to come into play. And how is it that you think you would lose 1/2 and he wouldn't. It simply does not work that way.

Many attorneys will give a free 1/2 hour consult - get in front of one and find out what the standards are for your situation. Then you can make informed decisions about how to proceed.


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 Post subject: Re: Any OCPDers out there willing to help me with advice?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2016 7:14 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 8:49 pm
Posts: 12
After we married I sold my family home and put that money down $125,000 on a home to be our home. As soon as I did this, my $125,000 became half his....He's made the monthly mortgage payments since February.

Anything bought after a couple is married becomes marital property.

His home; bought before we were married, remains his. He has it in a trust.

Seems like he did his research.

I have an attorney and consulted with three. They all say the same thing; settle out of court. Appeal to him to be reasonable because the courts rule on the letter of the law.


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